There are so many myths about aging. For instance, do you think, as many do, that “all old people are alike,” and that nobody changes after about the age of 50?
Nothing could be farther from the truth. Freud’s famous statement that people couldn’t change after the age of 50 simply isn’t true. At the time he formed his theories, most people didn’t live past 50, and that of course shaped his views. He may not have seen a lot of people over 50.
In fact this limited exposure to people in older age groups continues to confound our understanding. A lot of the psychological assessments available weren’t normed on enough people over the age of 60 to make them reliable for individuals in that age group. It’s all about developmental stages and you wouldn’t expect “normal” to mean the same thing for a 75 year old as a 42 year old and more than for a 6 year old and a 12 year old.
Seniors are not alike as individuals or as a group. Surveys show that the most “contented” people are people aged 60-69, but at the same time, the highest suicide rates of any age group occur among individuals 65 and older. 81% of senior suicides are male and Anglo males are particularly vulnerable. White males over 65 have the highest suicide rate, second only to white adolescent males. Suicide rates are higher for those who are divorced or widowed, and cause is attributed first to physical ailments, and then to depression.
The percentage of seniors in the population has risen steadily from 3% in 1900, to about 12% now. It’s projected to increase to 21% in the next 30 years. Since most emotional problems are often presented first to a primary care physician, as physical problems (headache, backache), medical schools are hastening to add exposure to geriatric medicine and psychology in the training of doctors. Psychology licensing boards are also beginning to require it.
It’s important to understand that depression manifests itself in different ways. We usually think of the “lethargic” depressed person, the one who moves and thinks slowly, can’t sustain eye contact, talks negatively, is disinterested or unable to enjoy their usual pleasures, and wants to sleep all the time. But depressed people can also be agitated, angry, restless, irritable, eyes darting around, frantically trying to enjoy things (but not able to), and not able to sleep much.
In either case, women may talk about the feelings, but men tend to complain about physical ailments when they see a doctor.
It’s important to understand that depression isn’t a “normal” part of aging, and that it's treatable. If you think you’re depressed, or that your loved one is, it’s good to start with a physical checkup. You should be make a list of all medications being taken, and also consider the normal routine. Many seniors, especially those who live alone, neglect nutrition and exercise.
As I say in my ebook, “EQ and Depression,” you aren’t supposed to be depressed as you age. You’re supposed to feel good. Many seniors have a high EQ, are resilient, and are experienced copers. EQ intends to increase with age, but not if you don’t work on it. Skills such as flexiblity, creativity and resilience can be learned, and it pays to start developing them in early adulthood, as they take time to learn. Barring physical problems, you can learn to manage your emotions and the thoughts that accompany, and cause, them.
We know that isolation is worse on our health than high blood pressure and obesity combined, and it not being isolated depends upon your interpersonal skills – your ability to make new friends and keep the old ones.
Creativity is needed to learn to work around things that change. It tends to take longer, for instance, to learn new things as we age, but many seniors are adept at “many ways to skin a cat.” Likewise there are ways to make the short-term memory loss less bothersome. Short-term memory loss is one of the things that does come with aging, but the vast experience of seniors in coping gives them a vast store of tricks to pull ou of the bag to help them remember.
As one of my senior coaching clients tells me, “My short-term memory’s off about 10%, but since it used to be far above-average, I’m doing fine. Now I just write things down, like I’ve seen others do for years.”
The ability to creatively meet challenges depends upon having an optimistic attitude, which also can be learned. I coach people in learned optimism and emotional intelligence competencies all the time! If you want to, and are willing to, you can learn to change self-limiting beliefs, once you realize they aren’t working for you. It depends upon correct information (like it’s not “normal” to be depressed at any age, including old age) and then becoming aware of your emotions and self-talk, and changing them.
Depression usually responds best to a regime of exercise, good nutrition including neutraceuticals, medication, and cognitive work. Coaching can help you move forward, make goals and stay accountable to them.
We also know that resilient seniors are lifelong learners. While we don’t make any more brain cells as adults, we can continue to form new connections throughout the lifespan IF we learn new things; the more radical the better. This means if you’re an engineer, take a literature course. If you’re a Spanish teacher, study some physics. If you’re a left-brained mathematician, take an EQ course and develop the other side of your brain. As someone said, “fall in love with learning and you’ll never end up with a broken heart”.
Intentionality is a high-order emotional intelligence competency. Why not intend to be one of those seniors who’s resilient and contented, who ages gracefully? Look to your wellness now, whatever age you are, and don’t leave out the EQ skills. The time to be developing them is now.
Our emotions directly effect our immune sytem, which is our health. They also effect our ability to get along with, and enjoy, others and ourselves. Men may particularly want to address the EQ issue. I know from the statistics, and from my coaching practice, that a man living alone at the age of 60 or beyond is in a vulnerable position, and while there are more men at that age than women, the smart women will be holding out for the healthy, EQ-smart men to bless with the health-promoting marital state.
Get started now. It’s never too late to learn!
Please consider this article for your website or ezine. Permission to reprint if byline stays intact and links are activated on the Internet. Courtesy notification appreciated.
©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc. Susan works with adults of all ages to develop their emotional intelligence for applications to wellness and success in relationships and career. She offers individual coaching, Internet courses and ebooks. She also certifies EQ coaches in an innovative, no-residency program. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezine, and more information.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
Saturday, October 15, 2005
10 Simple Coping Strategies When a Family Member Has Clinical Depression - By Elizabeth Tull
1.Remember that it is an illness:
Clinical depression often requires medical supervision as well as professional treatment. Clinical depression is treatable and requires commitment, understanding and patience from all those involved.
2.It is not your fault:
Clinical depression is usually a combination of chemical imbalance and learned behaviors. There may be times when the depressed individual is extremely sensitive, argumentative and/or blaming towards you, the children, the in-laws, the boss and even the world. All the above mentioned are not the cause. What you are responsible for is how you choose to take on the outward symptoms and how they affect you, your home and your relationships.
3.Be well informed:
Educate yourself on what type of depression is present and if there is a dual diagnosis IE: chemical dependency and depression or personality disorders and depression. Know what the symptoms, treatments and follow-ups are. There are suggested guidelines for communication and setting boundaries. Though the illness is not your fault; it benefits you and your family to remain open minded and willing to learn new ways of doing things.
4.Make sure to have a support network:
Depression and dual diagnosis affects the whole family. There are many ranges of emotions from anger and fear to hopefulness and hopelessness. Having others that have experienced it before can help eliminate unhealthy coping mechanisms such as isolation, shame, control and low self-esteem. There are many national and local support groups available on line. For more information check with your favorite search engines or call a local and/or national mental health hotline.
5.Make time for yourself and your children:
Don’t fall into the trap of not taking care of yourselves. Misery and fear love company. Living with and loving someone who is clinically depressed can be incredibly draining. Do not become a hostage or enabler. Remember your flight instructions: “For those traveling with small children; place the oxygen mask on yourself first and then assist the children.”
6.Be a victor not a victim:
Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional: We are all going to feel pain in life never mind a home with mental illness. Surround yourselves with knowledge, self-care, experienced support and nurturing. There are no such things as victims only volunteers.
7.Recognize that clinical depression is episodic Clinical depression comes in waves. People with clinical depression do get better!
8.Understand that medication takes time to work:
In most cases, improvement takes as long as 6-8 weeks. Even early responders require about 3-4 weeks before they notice mood improvement. Even after a person with clinical depression feels better, she or he needs to stay on medication at least six months. People should never stop taking medication on their own; medical supervision is a must. There can be serious physical and emotional complications from sudden withdrawal such as increased depression and suicidal tendencies.
9.Medication alone is fairly ineffective:
Research shows that medication in combination with cognitive behavioral therapy is more effective than medication alone. Combined with therapy, the person who is clinically depressed may need to make lifestyle changes, including dietary and exercise changes. The family needs to find ways to reduce stressors by simplifying their lives.
10.Get a written relapse prevention plan:
Make a list of early symptoms such as sleep, appetite and mood changes. Early intervention is the key to stopping a downward spiral. Determine what worked in the past to get the person with clinical depression back on track and do the things that worked before.
Elizabeth Tull is a Professional Excellence coach who partners with people in crafting and designing Legacies of Excellence. Her focus is on bridging the recovery community to professional coaching as well as support for families dealing with clinical depression in the home. Visit her on the web http://www.agapelegacycoach.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
Caring for Aging Relatives - By Ryan Joseph
It happens somewhat slowly in the beginning, maybe with a small cough that gets worse as time goes on. It might simply begin with absent mindedness which is totally out of character, followed by total memory lapses. What do we do when our parents eventually need taking care of after they have spent so much of their adult lives taking care of us? What precisely is a child’s responsibility to them? Is it self-centered to relocate them into an assisted home? And which siblings should shoulder the responsibility? These are questions which plague families whenever a parent happens to become sick.
It is certainly very normal for feelings of guilt and even occasionally depression to happen to you because of a deteriorating parent. But happily there are some good associations that do offer expert advice on coping with these problems. And there are specialists in this arena who can work with you to help you through the hard times.
Local hospitals, hospices and nursing homes usually have such names and numbers to assist you in this regard. If your dad feels certain that someone has broken into the house just to steal his chocolate when he has in fact eaten it himself, do not argue with him or say that his theories are irrational. Just calmly acknowledge how he feels and make him feel safe and loved. Do small things to alleviate his fears like simply letting him see you lock the doors or secure the windows at night before going to bed. If you get an unsatisfactory attitude from his physician, take him to a geriatric psychiatrist for further examination.
Erratic behavior is one of the earlies warning signals of dementia. If your mom starts cussing at the dinner table in front of the kids just because her steak is a bit undercooked, correct her calmly by teaching her the appropriate behavior: “Excuse me, my steak is a little undercooked, can you put it back on the grill for me please?”
Never resort to bad language yourself, as this will just perpetuate the unwanted behavior. If you feel yourself losing your own temper, take a few deep breaths until you are able to control your emotions. If you are being verbally assualted then it may be best to detach from being called offensive names. Give 3 warnings, use the silent treatment and then just walk away if the behavior goes on.
This can be one of the touphest problems to cope with, particularly for a very stubborn parent. Driving is so commonly related to having freedom and yet if you get reports that your dad is passing stop signs or driving on the wrong side of the street you have to deal with it. If you take his keys away from him, he may resent you, so it may be best to take a more indirect approach.
Take him or her for a “normal” checkup to check his vision, then ask the physician for a note expressing that the patient should not be driving anymore. Send the letter to the DMV requesting that his license be taken away. This may take a few weeks, but when the DMV takes away his license, be sympathetic and do research on transportation for seniors in the area, which is usually inexpensive and efficient.
For further information go to Fish Oil News and find out some additional facts about aging and the possible effect of fish oil on Alzheimers.
Ryan Joseph is a writer/researcher. For more info. visit http://www.omega3fishoil.org/
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
It is certainly very normal for feelings of guilt and even occasionally depression to happen to you because of a deteriorating parent. But happily there are some good associations that do offer expert advice on coping with these problems. And there are specialists in this arena who can work with you to help you through the hard times.
Local hospitals, hospices and nursing homes usually have such names and numbers to assist you in this regard. If your dad feels certain that someone has broken into the house just to steal his chocolate when he has in fact eaten it himself, do not argue with him or say that his theories are irrational. Just calmly acknowledge how he feels and make him feel safe and loved. Do small things to alleviate his fears like simply letting him see you lock the doors or secure the windows at night before going to bed. If you get an unsatisfactory attitude from his physician, take him to a geriatric psychiatrist for further examination.
Erratic behavior is one of the earlies warning signals of dementia. If your mom starts cussing at the dinner table in front of the kids just because her steak is a bit undercooked, correct her calmly by teaching her the appropriate behavior: “Excuse me, my steak is a little undercooked, can you put it back on the grill for me please?”
Never resort to bad language yourself, as this will just perpetuate the unwanted behavior. If you feel yourself losing your own temper, take a few deep breaths until you are able to control your emotions. If you are being verbally assualted then it may be best to detach from being called offensive names. Give 3 warnings, use the silent treatment and then just walk away if the behavior goes on.
This can be one of the touphest problems to cope with, particularly for a very stubborn parent. Driving is so commonly related to having freedom and yet if you get reports that your dad is passing stop signs or driving on the wrong side of the street you have to deal with it. If you take his keys away from him, he may resent you, so it may be best to take a more indirect approach.
Take him or her for a “normal” checkup to check his vision, then ask the physician for a note expressing that the patient should not be driving anymore. Send the letter to the DMV requesting that his license be taken away. This may take a few weeks, but when the DMV takes away his license, be sympathetic and do research on transportation for seniors in the area, which is usually inexpensive and efficient.
For further information go to Fish Oil News and find out some additional facts about aging and the possible effect of fish oil on Alzheimers.
Ryan Joseph is a writer/researcher. For more info. visit http://www.omega3fishoil.org/
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
Depression - Practical Suggestions for Positive Change - By Steven Harold
Having discussed the types of depression and the possible cause, in the previous article, it now seems appropriate to discuss how sufferers can help themselves. Remembering that help for chronic, clinical and manic depression should be sought from your doctor. Indeed it is your doctor who would diagnose these types of depression and so even if you feel you have mild depression it is still important to seek your doctor's help first.
Causes and Solutions to Depression
Some of the possible causes of depression have already been listed. The list is not definitive but it is a useful start. If you know the cause of something then at least you have a target for your energies and focus. So if the cause of your depression is work related, then this should be the focus of your energies with the aim of reducing or completely eliminating the cause.
In very few instances do matters change through inaction. If you do nothing about something than that also tends to be the result, nothing. Taking positive action can produce benefits on a number of fronts such as: -
1) You feel better because you are doing something as opposed to just accepting your situation.
2) Doing something or taking action means that it is more likely that there will be a change in the situation.
3) Your options automatically increase if you take action because in doing so you are looking at what choices you have. Looking for something, whether that is your options or something else, means you will discover more than if you just did nothing.
4) The feeling of being trapped starts to dissolve as you realise the only person keeping you trapped is you.
Even if the action you take is to discuss the situation with a close friend, partner or relative at least you get a chance to let it out. Often this by itself will help you feel better.
Changing the Feeling of being Overwhelmed or Unable to Cope People with depression talk about feeling overwhelmed or unable to cope with what has happened in their life. Often this occurs when more than one of the major areas in a person's life produces a problem.
You might say that there are 5 major areas in a person's life: -
1) Health and well-being
2) Work (or anything that occupies your time)
3) The personal relationship with another person (wife, husband, partner)
4) The home (rented or bought, living with relatives, friends)
5) Anything else (wider family, friends, social aspects etc.
If you get a problem in one area of your life then you can probably cope. If you get another problem at the same time as the first issue and both of these last for some time then this is when a person may start to feel overwhelmed, unable to cope and therefore depressed.
A change of how you view your situation when you have more than one problem is the first thing to do if you feel overwhelmed. Often the feeling of being overwhelmed happens because you are viewing the two (or more) problems as one. You then may start to think and say that everything is wrong with your life and even good news may be turned into negative news.
So start by keeping the problems (unless they are genuinely connected) separately. A way of doing this is to think of each problem as having a separate box in your mind that you keep them in. Then decide to only tackle or think about opening one box at a time in order to tackle them one at a time.
Now this does not mean that you have to see through one problem to completion until you tackle the other problem. It means that you think about and take action on one problem, take it as far as you can and then start on the other problem. You may have to take a number of bites at a problem before it is dealt with. Some problems may involve waiting for others to do something and come back to you before you can do the next step in resolving it.
It can help to have a separate notepad for each problem. Then write down the main points of the problem. Write down the realistic outcome you would like. Then write down the steps you need to tale for that outcome to be realised. Again keeping a note of any dates and interactions you have with anyone. You may need to combine your notepad with a diary to remind you have a future date for further action.
Keeping unrelated problems separate in your mind by thinking of them as being stored in separate boxes can ease the sense of being unable to cope. Then tackling them one at a time can boost your confidence as you start to take manageable bites out of each.
No one eats a piazza in one bite. Now one goes from one floor to the next floor in one step. Each bite or step you take are small enough to be manageable and yet you know with each one that you are getting closer to finishing.
If you need professional help then seek it out. You cannot know how to do everything and an expert might know how to resolve easily what for you has seemed complex.
To summarise: -
1) Focus your energies on the cause
2) If you need to unload, tell a good friend about it
3) Keep different problems separate from each other in your mind
4) Write down the steps you need to take to resolve the problems
5) Remember one step at a time
6) Don't be too proud to seek professional help with any steps you have to take.
Exercise of any sort is a useful addition to getting back control of your life. Whether it is swimming, running or even line dancing, do make sure your physical body gets exercised. For when we exercise the body a number of positive things happen: -
1) The 'feel good' hormones are released lighting our mood
2) Any stress or tension is released from the muscles
3) Our sleep is likely to be improved
4) Energy levels will increase
5) You will feel healthier
6) Your motivation levels will increase.
Lastly, but by no means least, find a relaxation regime that works for you and you enjoy. This might be meditation, yoga, self hypnosis or any practice that helps with stress release will be more than helpful. You can learn meditation from books or cds. Likewise self hypnosis can be easy to enjoy from an appropriately titled self hypnosis cd.
Above all else, be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can. Who could ask for more than that!
Steven A. HaroldClinical HypnotherapistDepression Hypnosis Cds
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
Causes and Solutions to Depression
Some of the possible causes of depression have already been listed. The list is not definitive but it is a useful start. If you know the cause of something then at least you have a target for your energies and focus. So if the cause of your depression is work related, then this should be the focus of your energies with the aim of reducing or completely eliminating the cause.
In very few instances do matters change through inaction. If you do nothing about something than that also tends to be the result, nothing. Taking positive action can produce benefits on a number of fronts such as: -
1) You feel better because you are doing something as opposed to just accepting your situation.
2) Doing something or taking action means that it is more likely that there will be a change in the situation.
3) Your options automatically increase if you take action because in doing so you are looking at what choices you have. Looking for something, whether that is your options or something else, means you will discover more than if you just did nothing.
4) The feeling of being trapped starts to dissolve as you realise the only person keeping you trapped is you.
Even if the action you take is to discuss the situation with a close friend, partner or relative at least you get a chance to let it out. Often this by itself will help you feel better.
Changing the Feeling of being Overwhelmed or Unable to Cope People with depression talk about feeling overwhelmed or unable to cope with what has happened in their life. Often this occurs when more than one of the major areas in a person's life produces a problem.
You might say that there are 5 major areas in a person's life: -
1) Health and well-being
2) Work (or anything that occupies your time)
3) The personal relationship with another person (wife, husband, partner)
4) The home (rented or bought, living with relatives, friends)
5) Anything else (wider family, friends, social aspects etc.
If you get a problem in one area of your life then you can probably cope. If you get another problem at the same time as the first issue and both of these last for some time then this is when a person may start to feel overwhelmed, unable to cope and therefore depressed.
A change of how you view your situation when you have more than one problem is the first thing to do if you feel overwhelmed. Often the feeling of being overwhelmed happens because you are viewing the two (or more) problems as one. You then may start to think and say that everything is wrong with your life and even good news may be turned into negative news.
So start by keeping the problems (unless they are genuinely connected) separately. A way of doing this is to think of each problem as having a separate box in your mind that you keep them in. Then decide to only tackle or think about opening one box at a time in order to tackle them one at a time.
Now this does not mean that you have to see through one problem to completion until you tackle the other problem. It means that you think about and take action on one problem, take it as far as you can and then start on the other problem. You may have to take a number of bites at a problem before it is dealt with. Some problems may involve waiting for others to do something and come back to you before you can do the next step in resolving it.
It can help to have a separate notepad for each problem. Then write down the main points of the problem. Write down the realistic outcome you would like. Then write down the steps you need to tale for that outcome to be realised. Again keeping a note of any dates and interactions you have with anyone. You may need to combine your notepad with a diary to remind you have a future date for further action.
Keeping unrelated problems separate in your mind by thinking of them as being stored in separate boxes can ease the sense of being unable to cope. Then tackling them one at a time can boost your confidence as you start to take manageable bites out of each.
No one eats a piazza in one bite. Now one goes from one floor to the next floor in one step. Each bite or step you take are small enough to be manageable and yet you know with each one that you are getting closer to finishing.
If you need professional help then seek it out. You cannot know how to do everything and an expert might know how to resolve easily what for you has seemed complex.
To summarise: -
1) Focus your energies on the cause
2) If you need to unload, tell a good friend about it
3) Keep different problems separate from each other in your mind
4) Write down the steps you need to take to resolve the problems
5) Remember one step at a time
6) Don't be too proud to seek professional help with any steps you have to take.
Exercise of any sort is a useful addition to getting back control of your life. Whether it is swimming, running or even line dancing, do make sure your physical body gets exercised. For when we exercise the body a number of positive things happen: -
1) The 'feel good' hormones are released lighting our mood
2) Any stress or tension is released from the muscles
3) Our sleep is likely to be improved
4) Energy levels will increase
5) You will feel healthier
6) Your motivation levels will increase.
Lastly, but by no means least, find a relaxation regime that works for you and you enjoy. This might be meditation, yoga, self hypnosis or any practice that helps with stress release will be more than helpful. You can learn meditation from books or cds. Likewise self hypnosis can be easy to enjoy from an appropriately titled self hypnosis cd.
Above all else, be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can. Who could ask for more than that!
Steven A. HaroldClinical HypnotherapistDepression Hypnosis Cds
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
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