Big Fat Lie - Time Heals All Wounds - By Jeff Herring

Are you familiar with the phrase "Time heals all wounds?" This is one I often hear people say as they try to brush aside traumas and hurts in their lives.

But it is one of the most destructive cliches, simply because it sounds so close to the truth that it is difficult to spot the big lie here.

At risk of sounding too philosophical, time is an artificial structure that we have created, much like state or country lines. (Have you ever seen a state line? I used to look for them on the ground when I was a kid.)

What I say to clients when they say "time heals all wounds" is that time doesn't heal anything, time simply passes. It is what we do with our lives while time is passing that either helps us, heals us or keeps us stuck.

In my work over the years, I have noticed that some people seem to have an ability to accept the hurts and disappointments of life and then move on. They have a certain resiliency.

Others seem to stay stuck in their pain, living as if the painful events of their lives had occurred just moments ago.

As I sought to understand the strategies of these different types of people, some interesting differences made themselves clear.

What follows are lists of strategies for how to remain miserable and then strategies for how to heal, move on, and thrive.

How to stay miserable

• Complain about the unfairness of it all. ("This should not have happened" - "How could anyone do such a thing?")

• Organize your life around the event, trauma or injustice. Make it a central theme in your life. Talk about nothing else. Bore your friends.

• Remain bitter and unforgiving. A wise friend of mine once said, "Not forgiving someone is much like trying to crush a sandspur between your fingers. You might eventually do it, but it sure is going to hurt."

• Become a victim. Give up your power to take responsibility and control over your own life.

• Play the scene over and over in your mind. Keep thinking of what you should have done or what you should have said.

How to move on, heal and thrive

• Talk about it. Many of us mistakenly believe that if we keep it inside it won't bother us. Quite the opposite is true. Remember the character -Tom Wingo in "Prince of Tides" and the damage done by not talking about the trauma that had happened in his family? Many times, getting it. out in the open can make it manageable.

• Forgive those involved. Forgiving does not condone what someone else did, it simply releases us from the pain of their actions.

• Most importantly, follow this favorite advice of mine:

"Make a place for the event in your life and then put it in its place."

It's important to remember that it did happen and it did affect you. At the same time, its place is in the past, much like a chapter in a book you have read and choose not to read again.

• If you find yourself wanting to but unable to follow these suggestions, you may want to get professional help putting the past behind you.

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Andropause and Depression - By Cathy Taylor

Andropause correlates directly with depression – a major player in the notorious mid-life crisis period men face in their late 40´s to late 50´s. There are a wide variety of symptoms and conditions hormone-wrecked men experience during this mid-life transition – everything from the mental (i.e. irritability) to the physical (loss of libido, lack of energy, and weight gain.) Depression, left untreated, can be a disabling condition.

Andropause depression is due to dropping levels of testosterone. Low testosterone levels cause many depressive symptoms – among them, a general indifference to events surrounding you, the inability to concentrate, extreme irritability, and memory loss. We might stress over things that might otherwise be worry-free in a normal situation and brood over certain matters. Our memory might go down the drain and we begin to see our lives in a negative light.

Energy levels plummet and enthusiasm for the activities we used to enjoy become flat-lined. Insomnia and restlessness is also a common symptom. Normal everyday things might become a burden to us, and the simplest shout of a child can make us excessively irritable. Psychologists use a variety of battery tests to figure out whether you suffer from depression. Besides handing you test sheets to work with, they also place you under observation – noticing your behavior, tendencies, and habits while talking to them.

Men tend to be rebellious creatures by nature. We love shrugging off our faults and being poised in the midst of emotional trouble. We take on the role as masculine creatures – lion kings of the jungle that reign over the sprawling landscape we call life. Men can be in full denial when it comes to questions about their sexual ability and prowess. Refusing to understand that we aren’t who we once were with our sexual performance as a result of Andropause is in our blood. Fellas, it is time to become aware and acquainted with the severity of your depression.

Off the bat, there are facts and figures supporting depression as a major problem. For one, 80% of all suicides in the United States are carried out by men. The majority of people with this condition never seek the advice and counsel of therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists. Probably the most shocking fact of all is the male suicide rate is highest during the Andropause years. You read correctly – highest during the years we’re specifically talking about.

How do we deal with these devastating changes to our lives? How can we manage stress to reduce the chances of clinical depression? For one, we must follow a daily exercise regimen. That coupled with a caffeine-free diet will boost our immune systems to fight disease. It will also slow down the aging process. Aim to maintain that explosive 30-inch, vertical leap well into your 60s! Another is doing the activities we love. Don’t stray from playing your pick-up basketball games with buddies or building those go-carts from scratch as a hobby. Stick to them and enjoy the satisfaction of doing so. Distract yourself from your current condition without ignoring it completely.

Maintain a social network of friends and family that will cheer you up when you need it most. Something as simple as having your young child shove a hand drawing of a red school bus in your face can provide for laughs and smiles. The most important piece of advice is to accept your condition and make accommodations. For example, low testosterone levels can easily be supplemented with testosterone cream. It’s bound to happen to all of us, and you either have the choice of making the best of it or letting it overwhelm you. Awareness is critical, and an optimistic attitude, followed with physical activity and a solid nutritional plan, is the best means of fighting Andropause, anti-aging, and the demon known as depression.

Cathy Taylor is a marketing consultant with over 25 years experience. She specializes in internet marketing, strategy and plan development, as well as management of communications and public relations programs for small business sectors. She can be reached at Creative Communications: creative-com@cox.net or by visiting http://www.howtoconquermenopause.com or http://www.everythingmenopause.com or http://www.internet-marketing-small-business.com

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