Thursday, December 08, 2005

When Your Child Dies - By: Rose DesRochers

Children are the most special part of life. Losing a child is something that few really understand. Even a brief life offers so much that is special. My Daughter Katie Lindsey Rose, died July 1992. She was just five weeks old. I held Katie after she died and can never, would never, forget Katie as a person or my daughter. I also found out how hard it is for so many to talk about the death of their child.

Many people find it easier to talk about the death of your mom, dad or your wife or husband than their child. But, this is often a time that you do want to talk or share feelings. You often get from people she doesn't want to talk about it. But it helps to talk. After your child dies you have feelings of disbelief, denial, anger, depression, hopelessness, guilt. Loss of appetite, sleep patterns change, we cannot get through the mourning alone. It is important to talk about the death, what you’re feeling and it’s ok to cry.

The doctor came into the room. The operation was over. He sat down and started to tell my husband and I about the surgery. The surgery was over but during the surgery there was a blood clot that burst and Katie died instantly. How could I go home without my baby? Shock was not the word for what I felt. Katie's been gone 11 years now. I remember just after she died everyone was right there offering to help me. (Now I'd be lucky if they remember). Then the people stopped coming, calling, I would see people in the grocery store, and they would look at me, turn their head, and walk off, as if I had something contagious that they could catch.

I remember a mother had her baby the same time as Katie. She said to me," I'm so glad it was not my daughter". My oldest daughter is growing up and it's starting to get scary cause I know Ill never see Katie get married or have children. I feel Angry, like I have been let down by Katie. Its normal to feel let down by the person who died or when you are looking for someone to blame for his or her death.I blamed God for the longest time and I blamed myself.

Anger is very common following the death of a child. In fact following any death you may find yourself angry, angry at the world. You will often find that you take out this anger on those closest around you. You find yourself saying my child should not of died.

How do you imagine life without your child? "They were too young", "They were too good", "They were too healthy, "They never sin" "Why God Why?”, "I can't survive without him or her". All of these are common feelings. Your fear is, you are afraid it will happen again, that you will loose another child or someone close to you. You begin to be a little over-protective of your other children.Please know that you are never alone, It's ok to say I hurt, to say I'm scared, to say I need a friend. No matter how old your child is when they die, the pain of loosing your child is still the same. Its very difficult for most to find the words of comfort to say to you, but there are places you can turn, people you can talk to when you feel your loosing it. You can't do this on your own.

Katie had suffered from congenital heart disease, Congenital means inborn or existing at birth. Among the terms you may hear are congenital heart defect, congenital heart disease and congenital cardiovascular disease. The word "defect" is more accurate than "disease." A congenital cardiovascular defect occurs when the heart or blood vessels near the heart don't develop normally before birth. Katies' story is just one of a million parents' stories out there. As I surf the net I found so many, but there is help.

About the Author: Rose DesRochers Rose is a published author and web columnist from Canada Ontario and she is also the founder of Today's Woman a community for men and women over 18, where writers/poets/columnists meet and exchange ideas, contest, rate and review and help each other succeed in the writing industry.



shipra said...

Hello Rose
I can actually feel all that u write and more. I lost my six months old son in a road traffic accident 2 months back. I'll never get over it, that much i know. I'm so scared. I want him to come back to me. He has to. Can we talk? I'm at

Rose DesRochers said...

Anna, thank you for reposting my article on your blog. I found your articles very helpful and have bookmarked

Shipra , my deepest sympathy to you and your family. Of course you can talk to me.

Rose DesRochers