Monday, February 06, 2006

Grieving Losses - By Denise Boggs

“It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better and gains gladness. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning….” Ecclesiastes 7: 2-4

When you are in the process of healing you must take in to consideration the losses that have resulted. These losses must be grieved in order to be released. One example is in a parent child relationship when there has been emotional, verbal, or physical abuse there will be many things lost. Trust, respect, and good times together, just to name a few. Some losses like trust can be restored over time but the time lost can not be restored. So the loss of time spent together will need to be grieved. You can not go back and relive your life as a 10 year old again. The time you need to spend with your father is now gone and so it must be grieved. You will always be trying to find what you have lost until you grieve and release it.

The following are eight short steps that can be taken to grieve losses so the heart can be healed. These steps will need to be repeated out loud or written down several times during the healing process. You will experience the peace of the Lord as you go through this grieving and releasing process.

These eight steps are a process for grieving what you have lost. They will need to be applied to every relationship where you have been hurt. You can’t accept the fact that someone or something is gone until you face the loss and grieve it. In Ecclesiastes 7:2-4, the writer says that we actually go to a house of morning and that the sadness makes the heart better. Now is the time for healing!

1. Step one for healing is to face it.

Who hurt you? _________

Who did not hear you?_________

Who left you? __________

Who did not receive you? __________

Who refused to love you? ___________

2. Step two is to face what you lost.

Did you loose out on a good father?

Did you loose out on a good mother?

Did you loose a good friend?

Did you loose a husband?

Did you loose a wife?

Fill in the blank, I lost _________.

3. Step three is to accept that what you lost is gone. Make a list and write down all that you have lost.

I accept the fact that ____________is gone. The good times that we had together are over. Or the good times we should have had never happened.

4. Step four for healing is acknowledged to the Lord that you have been hurt and angry. Lord I have been angry at __________ for ___________. I ask you to heal me and cleanse my heart of this anger.

5. Step five is to release what you have lost. Lord, I ask for your help to be set free from this pain. Lord by myself I can not accept the losses. I ask for your help to accept what I have lost. I accept the reality that _________ is gone; and I release (person or thing).

6. Step six is to forgive the person. Lord I choose to forgive __________ for hurting me. They owe me nothing.

7. Step seven for healing. My hope is in You Lord. I know You are the one that gives life. Not the person or the things I have lost.

8. Step eight for healing is to choose life. Lord, I choose Life; help me to continue looking forward towards the life you have given me.

Denise Boggs is an author, teacher, and Director of Living Waters Ministry. She writes a daily devotional available through email The Path Called Righteousness.

For daily devotional, visit

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