Talk to a Significant Other When They Are Depressed - By Justin Meyer

It is a tough feeling, seeming like you can never say the right thing. Especially when your significant other has slipped into a depression. The wrong thing can send them yelling and screaming, and you might not even be sure why. How do you talk to him or her without it being a problem? How do you avoid making things worse, when you just want to be supportive? How do you say things so they are not taken the wrong way?

The worst thing that you can do is say things with the wrong tone. That can be the most important thing to do. If your tone is perceived as being condescending, it may be interpreted as such. Even if you don’t think your tone is wrong, you need to be careful. It is a hard thing to determine, but the best thing to do is stick to a neutral tone of voice.

The second thing to do is not to pry, but let your significant other talk to you about what is wrong. Listen, comment when appropriate, but don’t voice too many opinions. This is a time for them to be upset and they will deal with it as appropriate. Telling them to snap out of it is not the best approach. Let them set the tone for the conversation.

Finally, when they are depressed, be supportive. Now is not the time to say things that are critical. As hard as it might be, now is a time when you need to hold your tongue a little bit.
Learn to alleviate your depression at http://www.curemydepression.com
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Anticipatory Grief and Holidays: 12 Survival Tips - By Harriet Hodgson

Anticipatory grief - a feeling of loss before a death or dreaded event occurs - is a hard journey. Holidays make it even harder. At a time when you're supposed to feel happy and joyful, you feel sad and anxious. You're on pins and needles and wonder what will happen next.

Remember, your grief stems from love, and you may find comfort in that. Holidays don't erase your reasons for feeling sad and lonely, according to the National Mental Health Association, and "there is room for these feelings to be present." So accept your feelings and, if you feel like crying, go ahead and do it.

Crying will help you to feel better. Here are some other ways you can help yourself.

BE REALISTIC.

You don't have to create a "perfect" holiday. Do you really need to knit sweaters for everyone? No. Do you really need to serve a six course meal? No. What you need to do is set realistic goals, get organized, and pace yourself. Rather than focusing on one day, the National Mental Health Association recommends focusing on "a season of holiday sentiment."

ASK FOR HELP.

You don't need to do everything yourself. Family members and friends will be glad to help with planning, decorating, and cooking. One family member could bring a traditional dish, such as pumpkin pie. Another family member could provide linens and launder them afterwards. Your request for help makes others feel needed.

BUDGET.

Finances can cause stress at any time, but they cause lots of stress during the holidays. Set a budget for gifts, decorations, and entertaining. Staying within your budget will make you feel better about the holidays and yourself. Your gifts don't have to be new. Holiays are a perfect time to pass along family possessions - a flower vase, historic photo, or beloved book. Stick a short note about the item in with your gift.

EAT RIGHT.

Because nutrition affects brain chemistry, you need to eat balanced meals during the holidays. Yummy as they look, pass up the candy and cookies that come your way. Choose lots of fruits and veggies from the buffet table and one dessert. Keeping a supply of healthy snacks on hand will also help you to eat right.

DRINK MODERATELY.

Alcohol makes the holiday blues worse, according to the National Mental Health Association. Too much alcohol can cause you to say things you'll regret later. If you drink alcohol, drink in moderation or skip it all together. Drink sparkling cider, non-alcoholic punch, or flavored water instead of alcohol.

GET ENOUGH SLEEP.

You've probably thinking, "Yeah, right." But you need sleep to survive the holidays. Getting enough sleep is hard to do with so many holiday events going on. However, you may be selective about what you attend, leave early, and get a good night's sleep. Balance a late night with a short nap the next day.

LIGHT YOUR WAY.

Vanerbilt University wellness experts say more people get depressed during the holidays than at any other time. Some of these people have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). If you live in a cold climate and the days are short you may wish to be evaluated for SAD. Phototherapy (intense lighting) is usualy recommended for those with SAD. Even if you don' have SAD well lit rooms will lift your spirits.

EXERCISE.

Daily physical activity is a proven way to cope with stress. Walk around town or the local mall and look at holiday decorations. Play catch with your kids or grandkids. Bundle up and go cross country skiing. A half hour of physical activity per day helps to chase the blues away.

BE CONCILATORY.

According to www.MayoClinic.com family tensions may flare during the holidays if members are "thrust together for several days." Holidays aren't the time to settle family disputes, they're a time for concilatory and kind behavior. Discuss family grievances at a later date.

HELP OTHERS.

Holidays are associated with families and togetherness according to Jill RachBeisel, MD, Director of Community Psychiatry at the University of Maryland. But, due to the divorce rate and fragmented families, many don't have this kind of holiay experience. Still, you may connect with a substitute family by volunteering a a senior center, reading to shut-ins, or tutoring children.

MAKE NEW MEMORIES.

The memories you make during this holiday season may comfort you in the future. Take digital photos of holiday events and put them on a CD. Send copies of the CD to all family members. Every family has stories to tell and you may create new memories by tape recording some of these stories. You may also videotape holiday events.

SAVOR THE MOMENT.

Though you are sorrowful, you're alive, able to be with those you love and care about. Surround yourself with life: family members, dear friends, colorful flowers, a tail-wagging dog, and hobbies that make you happy. For every moment of life - even the sorrowful ones - is a miracle.

Copyright 2005 by Harriet Hodgson. To learn more about her work go to http://www.harriethodgson.com

Harriet Hodgson has been a nonfiction writer for 27 years and is a member of the Association of Health Care Journalists. Her 24th book, "Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief," written with Lois Krahn, MD, is available from http://www.amazon.com The book is packed with Healing Steps - 114 in all - that lead readers to their own healing path.

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Meditation For Depression - By Justin Meyer

How to meditate, it's an unusual topic for this series. However, it is very applicable. As we discuss the problems of losing your temper, a serious problem in depression, it is helpful to know how to meditate, because meditation is a very effective technique for calming yourself.

The first step towards meditation is to turn off the TV, the radio, try to eliminate as much noise as possible. Meditation will encourage you to focus on your own breath, and that is what you want to be listening for. You want to try and avoid any distraction at this point.

Second, close your eyes. You may want to open them to see what is going on, but remember, you are focusing on the internal right now, not the external. It doesn't matter what is going on in the other room. All that matters is what you are doing. Take deep breaths. Get into a rhythm of deep breaths in and out. Try to extend your exhalation so it is longer than your inhalation. Begin counting to ten with the odd numbers on the inhale and the even numbers on the exhale. This will put you in your body's natural rhythm. With your eyes closed, imagine a shade of purple that just gets darker and darker without ever turning to black. This will give you your focal point. The deep purple will soothe you, as will the counting of your breath.

Eventually, you might find that you only need to breathe and be able to go into a meditative state. That is fine. Always remember to count from one to ten in cycles, though because you do want to bring your body to that calming rhythm. The pace of your breathing is what will maintain your calm and without that, you will not be able to move on.

You can read more about depression at http://www.curemydepression.com

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7 Things to Avoid the Holiday Blues - By John Seeley

Seven things to keep you from falling into the Holiday Blues.

Each holiday season there is an expectation from people to reconnect with friends and loved ones. But what if your family is far away, or you don’t have people to reconnect with? Being alone during the holidays is often something that people don’t prepare for and find themselves depressed, and in the extreme, suicidal. It’s important to prepare in advance to keep the blues away. If you know that you’ll be alone, there are things to do to make the holidays merry.

Plan a group activity to invite others to do, so you will have others to share time with during the holidays. Perhaps a support group for others that are alone too!

Volunteer doing something for helping others. There is a lot of need to help less fortunate during the holidays, including delivering food to shut-ins, soup kitchens, helping at hospitals to cheer up patients, etc. Giving is a great way to feel better about yourself, and you meet others who are volunteering, and make new friends who are giving too.

Plan a trip or vacation for the holidays. Group trips doing something that you enjoy, like scuba diving, antiques, cruising, etc., are available through travel agents or on the web.

Get more active in a church or local community. Often holidays are a great time to reconnect to a community. There often are holiday events like plays, singing, charity parties or auctions, etc. sponsored by churches or communities.

See a professional therapist to help you to work through any issues that may be keeping you from experiencing the happiness you desire. Often your feelings that you repress all year come up during times when extra stress come up, often during the holidays. So do yourself a favor, seek some professional help to release the emotional baggage you’ve been carrying. Your whole life will improve.

Talk to people. Talk to your family. Talk to your friends. Do it regularly. Look up old friends. Heal old relationships. It’s good for your heart and soul to do that, anytime, but especially around the holidays. Remember they might need to heal that issue too. You don’t have guarantees that friendships will be rekindled, or relationships healed, but you never know how it might affect your life positively either. Holidays are a time to heal. Take advantage of that.

Remember that regrets are usually from things you didn’t do. Use the holidays to create something different in your life. Einstein said “To continue doing the same thing, expecting different results, is insanity.” If you want different results, do something different. Believe that you can change your life. Believe it can be better. Know miracles happen. If you believe in a higher power, pray for the change you want. Be willing to give up what you have now, and know it will be better. Remember, in order to become a butterfly, you have to give up being a caterpillar.

John Seeley M.A.is a graduate of the University of Santa Monica and holds a Masters in Spiritual Psychology. John has done prison workshops in California. He is a Life Coach, speaker and author of Get Unstuck! The Simple Guide to Restart Your Life. http://www.getunstuck.com Author/ Speaker & Executive / Personal Life Coach John Seeley is President/CEO of Blue Moon Wonders and HeartFire Seminars, which specialize in educational and personal growth workshops and products. John grew up in the Midwest the youngest of five children. He has lived and worked all over the country for Fortune 500 companies. John has been involved in personal growth & coaching since 1990. He works with individuals as well as business executives who have a commitment to making positive changes and awakening a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment in their lives and companies. John is a catalyst for change your life and has been in the lives of many people. John’s coaching style and philosophy are simple and down to earth, yet highly effective. "I help people to break freefrom their inner prisons."

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Real Men, Real Depression! (Mental Health Matters) - By Arthur Buchanan

Depression is a serious but treatable medical condition - a brain disease - that can strike anyone, including men. In America alone, over 6 million men have depression each year.

Whether you're a company executive, a construction worker, a writer, a police officer, or a student, whether you are rich or poor, surrounded by loved ones or alone, you are not immune to depression. Some factors, however, such as family history, undue stress, the loss of a loved one or other serious illnesses can make you more vulnerable.

If left untreated, depression can lead to personal, family and financial difficulties, and, in some cases, end in suicide. With appropriate diagnosis and treatment, however, most people recover. The darkness disappears, hope for the future returns, energy and desire come back, and interest in life becomes stronger than ever.

Depression can strike anyone regardless of age, ethnic background, socioeconomic status, or gender; however, large scale research studies have found that depression is about twice as common in women as in men. In the United States, researchers estimate that in any given one year period, depressive illnesses affect 12 percent of women (more than 12 million women) and nearly 7 percent of men (more than six million men).3 But important questions remain to be answered about the causes underlying this gender difference. We still do not know if depression is truly less common among men, or if men are just less likely than women to recognize, acknowledge, and seek help for depression.

Types of Depression

Just like other illnesses, such as heart disease, depression comes in different forms. This booklet briefly describes three of the most common types of depressive disorders. However, within these types, there are variations in the number of symptoms, their severity, and persistence.

Major depression (or major depressive disorder) is manifested by a combination of symptoms (see symptoms list below) that interferes with the ability to work, study, sleep, eat, and enjoy once pleasurable activities. A major depressive episode may occur only once; but more commonly, several episodes may occur in a lifetime. Chronic major depression may require a person to continue treatment indefinitely.

A less severe type of depression, dysthymia (or dysthymic disorder), involves long lasting, chronic symptoms that do not seriously disable, but keep one from functioning well or feeling good. Many people with dysthymia also experience major depressive episodes at some time in their lives.

Depression

Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood.

Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism.

Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness.

Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyable, including sex.

Decreased energy, fatigue; feeling “slowed down.”

Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions.

Trouble sleeping, early morning awakening, or oversleeping.

Changes in appetite and/or weight.

Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts. Restlessness or irritability.

Persistent physical symptoms, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain that do not respond to routine treatment.

Men and Depression

Researchers estimate that at least six million men in the United States suffer from a depressive disorder every year. Research and clinical evidence reveal that while both women and men can develop the standard symptoms of depression, they often experience depression differently and may have different ways of coping with the symptoms. Men may be more willing to acknowledge fatigue, irritability, loss of interest in work or hobbies, and sleep disturbances rather than feelings of sadness, worthlessness, and excessive guilt. Some researchers question whether the standard definition of depression and the diagnostic tests based upon it adequately capture the condition as it occurs in men.

Men are more likely than women to report alcohol and drug abuse or dependence in their lifetime;14 however, there is debate among researchers as to whether substance use is a “symptom” of underlying depression in men or a co occurring condition that more commonly develops in men. Nevertheless, substance use can mask depression, making it harder to recognize depression as a separate illness that needs treatment.

Instead of acknowledging their feelings, asking for help, or seeking appropriate treatment, men may turn to alcohol or drugs when they are depressed, or become frustrated, discouraged, angry, irritable, and, sometimes, violently abusive. Some men deal with depression by throwing themselves compulsively into their work, attempting to hide their depression from themselves, family, and friends. Other men may respond to depression by engaging in reckless behavior, taking risks, and putting themselves in harm’s way.

More than four times as many men as women die by suicide in the United States, even though women make more suicide attempts during their lives. In addition to the fact that men attempt suicide using methods that are generally more lethal than those used by women, there may be other factors that protect women against suicide death. In light of research indicating that suicide is often associated with depression, the alarming suicide rate among men may reflect the fact that men are less likely to seek treatment for depression. Many men with depression do not obtain adequate diagnosis and treatment that may be life saving.

Depression in Older Men

Men must cope with several kinds of stress as they age. If they have been the primary wage earners for their families and have identified heavily with their jobs, they may feel stress upon retirement­loss of an important role, loss of self esteem­that can lead to depression. Similarly, the loss of friends and family and the onset of other health problems can trigger depression.

Depression is not a normal part of aging. Depression is an illness that can be effectively treated, thereby decreasing unnecessary suffering, improving the chances for recovery from other illnesses, and prolonging productive life. However, health care professionals may miss depressive symptoms in older patients. Older adults may be reluctant to discuss feelings of sadness or grief, or loss of interest in pleasurable activities.

They may complain primarily of physical symptoms. It may be difficult to discern a co occurring depressive disorder in patients who present with other illnesses, such as heart disease, stroke, or cancer, which may cause depressive symptoms or may be treated with medications that have side effects that cause depression. If a depressive illness is diagnosed, treatment with appropriate medication and/or brief psychotherapy can help older adults manage both diseases, thus enhancing survival and quality of life.

Identifying and treating depression in older adults is critical. There is a common misperception that suicide rates are highest among the young, but it is older white males who suffer the highest rate. Over 70 percent of older suicide victims visit their primary care physician within the month of their death; many have a depressive illness that goes undetected during these visits. This fact has led to research efforts to determine how to best improve physicians’ abilities to detect and treat depression in older adults.

Approximately 80 percent of older adults with depression improve when they receive treatment with antidepressant medication, psychotherapy, or a combination of both. In addition, research has shown that a combination of psychotherapy and antidepressant medication is highly effective for reducing recurrences of depression among older adults. Psychotherapy alone has been shown to prolong periods of good health free from depression, and is particularly useful for older patients who cannot or will not take medication.18 Improved recognition and treatment of depression in later life will make those years more enjoyable and fulfilling for the depressed elderly person, and his family and caregivers.

A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood.

Depression can strike anyone regardless of age, ethnic background, socioeconomic status, or gender; however, large scale research studies have found that depression is about twice as common in women as in men.In the United States, researchers estimate that in any given one year period, depressive illnesses affect 12 percent of women (more than 12 million women) and nearly 7 percent of men (more than six million men) But important questions remain to be answered about the causes underlying this gender difference. We still do not know if depression is truly less common among men, or if men are just less likely than women to recognize, acknowledge, and seek help for depression.

Symptoms of Depression

Not everyone who is depressed or manic experiences every symptom. Some people experience only a few; some people suffer many. The severity of symptoms varies among individuals and also over time.

Depression

Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood.

Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism.

Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness.

Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyable, including sex.

Decreased energy, fatigue; feeling “slowed down.”

Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions.

Trouble sleeping, early morning awakening, or oversleeping.

Changes in appetite and/or weight.

Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts.

Restlessness or irritability.

Persistent physical symptoms, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain that do not respond to routine treatment.

Depression can coexist with other illnesses. In such cases, it is important that the depression and each co occurring illness be appropriately diagnosed and treated.

Research has shown that anxiety disorders­which include post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), obsessive compulsive disorder, panic disorder, social phobia, and generalized anxiety disorder­commonly accompany depression. Depression is especially prevalent among people with PTSD, a debilitating condition that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened.

Traumatic events that can trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults such as rape or mugging, natural disasters, accidents, terrorism, and military combat. PTSD symptoms include: re experiencing the traumatic event in the form of flashback episodes, memories, or nightmares; emotional numbness; sleep disturbances; irritability; outbursts of anger; intense guilt; and avoidance of any reminders or thoughts of the ordeal. In one NIMH supported study, more than 40 percent of people with PTSD also had depression when evaluated at one month and four months following the traumatic event.

Substance use disorders (abuse or dependence) also frequently co occur with depressive disorders. Research has revealed that people with alcoholism are almost twice as likely as those without alcoholism to also suffer from major depression. In addition, more than half of people with bipolar disorder type I (with severe mania) have a co occurring substance use disorder.

Men and Depression

Researchers estimate that at least six million men in the United States suffer from a depressive disorder every year. Research and clinical evidence reveal that while both women and men can develop the standard symptoms of depression, they often experience depression differently and may have different ways of coping with the symptoms. Men may be more willing to acknowledge fatigue, irritability, loss of interest in work or hobbies, and sleep disturbances rather than feelings of sadness, worthlessness, and excessive guilt. Some researchers question whether the standard definition of depression and the diagnostic tests based upon it adequately capture the condition as it occurs in men.

Men are more likely than women to report alcohol and drug abuse or dependence in their lifetime; however, there is debate among researchers as to whether substance use is a “symptom” of underlying depression in men or a co occurring condition that more commonly develops in men. Nevertheless, substance use can mask depression, making it harder to recognize depression as a separate illness that needs treatment.

Instead of acknowledging their feelings, asking for help, or seeking appropriate treatment, men may turn to alcohol or drugs when they are depressed, or become frustrated, discouraged, angry, irritable, and, sometimes, violently abusive. Some men deal with depression by throwing themselves compulsively into their work, attempting to hide their depression from themselves, family, and friends. Other men may respond to depression by engaging in reckless behavior, taking risks, and putting themselves in harm’s way.

More than four times as many men as women die by suicide in the United States, even though women make more suicide attempts during their lives. In addition to the fact that men attempt suicide using methods that are generally more lethal than those used by women, there may be other factors that protect women against suicide death. In light of research indicating that suicide is often associated with depression,17 the alarming suicide rate among men may reflect the fact that men are less likely to seek treatment for depression. Many men with depression do not obtain adequate diagnosis and treatment that may be life saving.

More research is needed to understand all aspects of depression in men, including how men respond to stress and feelings associated with depression, how to make men more comfortable acknowledging these feelings and getting the help they need, and how to train physicians to better recognize and treat depression in men. Family members, friends, and employee assistance professionals in the workplace also can play important roles in recognizing depressive symptoms in men and helping them get treatment.

The first step to getting appropriate treatment for depression is a physical examination by a physician. Certain medications as well as some medical conditions such as a viral infection, thyroid disorder, or low testosterone level can cause the same symptoms as depression, and the physician should rule out these possibilities through examination, interview, and lab tests. If no such cause of the depressive symptoms is found, the physician should do a psychological evaluation or refer the patient to a mental health professional.

A good diagnostic evaluation will include a complete history of symptoms: i.e., when they started, how long they have lasted, their severity, and whether the patient had them before and, if so, if the symptoms were treated and what treatment was given. The doctor should ask about alcohol and drug use, and if the patient has thoughts about death or suicide. Further, a history should include questions about whether other family members have had a depressive illness and, if treated, what treatments they may have received and if they were effective. Last, a diagnostic evaluation should include a mental status examination to determine if speech, thought patterns, or memory has been affected, as sometimes happens with depressive disorders.

Treatment choice will depend on the patient’s diagnosis, severity of symptoms, and preference. There are a variety of treatments, including medications and short term psychotherapies (i.e., “talk” therapies), that have proven effective for depressive disorders. In general, severe depressive illnesses, particularly those that are recurrent, will require a combination of treatments for the best outcome.

Alcohol­ including wine, beer, and hard liquor­or street drugs may reduce the effectiveness of antidepressants and should be avoided. However, doctors may permit people who have not had a problem with alcohol abuse or dependence to use a modest amount of alcohol while taking one of the newer antidepressants.

Questions about any medication prescribed, or problems that may be related to it, should be discussed with your doctor.

How to Help Yourself if You Are Depressed

Depressive disorders can make one feel exhausted, worthless, helpless, and hopeless. It is important to realize that these negative views are part of the depression and do not accurately reflect the actual circumstances. Negative thinking fades as treatment begins to take effect. In the meantime: Engage in mild exercise. Go to a movie, a ballgame, or participate in religious, social, or other activities. Set realistic goals and assume a reasonable amount of responsibility.

Break large tasks into small ones, set some priorities, and do what you can as you can.

Try to be with other people and to confide in someone; it is usually better than being alone and secretive. Participate in activities that may make you feel better. Expect your mood to improve gradually, not immediately. Feeling better takes time. Often during treatment of depression, sleep and appetite will begin to improve before depressed mood lifts.

Postpone important decisions. Before deciding to make a significant transition–change jobs, get married or divorced–discuss it with others who know you well and have a more objective view of your situation.

Do not expect to ‘snap out of’ a depression. But do expect to feel a little better day by day.
Remember, positive thinking will replace the negative thinking as your depression responds to treatment. Let your family and friends help you.

How Family and Friends Can Help

The most important thing anyone can do for a man who may have depression is to help him get to a doctor for a diagnostic evaluation and treatment. First, try to talk to him about depression­help him understand that depression is a common illness among men and is nothing to be ashamed about. Perhaps share this booklet with him. Then encourage him to see a doctor to determine the cause of his symptoms and obtain appropriate treatment.

Occasionally, you may need to make an appointment for the depressed person and accompany him to the doctor. Once he is in treatment, you may continue to help by encouraging him to stay with treatment until symptoms begin to lift (several weeks) or to seek different treatment if no improvement occurs. This may also mean monitoring whether he is taking prescribed medication and/or attending therapy sessions. Encourage him to be honest with the doctor about his use of alcohol and prescription or recreational drugs, and to follow the doctor’s orders about the use of these substances while on antidepressant medication.

The second most important thing is to offer emotional support to the depressed person. This involves understanding, patience, affection, and encouragement. Engage him in conversation and listen carefully. Do not disparage the feelings he may express, but point out realities and offer hope. Do not ignore remarks about suicide. Report them to the depressed person’s doctor. In an emergency, call 911. Invite him for walks, outings, to the movies, and other activities. Be gently insistent if your invitation is refused. Encourage participation in some activities that once gave pleasure, such as hobbies, sports, religious or cultural activities, but do not push him to undertake too much too soon. The depressed person needs diversion and company, but too many demands can increase feelings of failure.

Listed below are the types of people and places that will make a referral to, or provide, diagnostic and treatment services.

Family doctors

Mental health specialists, such as psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, or mental health counselors Religious leaders/counselors

Health maintenance organizations

Community mental health centers

Hospital psychiatry departments and outpatient clinics

University or medical school affiliated programs

State hospital outpatient clinics

Social service agencies

Private clinics and facilities

Employee assistance programs

Local medical and/or psychiatric societies

Conclusion

A man can experience depression in many different ways. He may be grumpy or irritable, or have lost his sense of humor. He might drink too much or abuse drugs. It may be that he physically or verbally abuses his wife and his kids. He might work all the time, or compulsively seek thrills in high risk behavior. Or, he may seem isolated, withdrawn, and no longer interested in the people or activities he used to enjoy.

Perhaps this man sounds like you. If so, it is important to understand that there is a brain disorder called depression that may be underlying these feelings and behaviors. It’s real: scientists have developed sensitive imaging devices that enable us to see depression in the brain. And it’s treatable: more than 80 percent of those suffering from depression respond to existing treatments, and new ones are continually becoming available and helping more people. Talk to a healthcare provider about how you are feeling, and ask for help.

Or perhaps this man sound like someone you care about. Try to talk to him, or to someone who has a chance of getting through to him. Help him to understand that depression is a common illness among men and is nothing to be ashamed about. Encourage him to see a doctor and get an evaluation for depression.

For most men with depression, life doesn’t have to be so dark and hopeless. Life is hard enough as it is; and treating depression can free up vital resources to cope with life’s challenges effectively. When a man is depressed, he’s not the only one who suffers. His depression also darkens the lives of his family, his friends, virtually everyone close to him. Getting him into treatment can send ripples of healing and hope into all of those lives.

Depression is a real illness; it is treatable; and men can have it. It takes courage to ask for help, but help can make all the difference.

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Leading Psychiatrists are calling Arthur a 'walking miracle'-After 15 years in mental institutions, absorbing inhumane shock treatments, abusing alcohol, he's now being called worldwide’ The Zig Ziglar of Mental Illness 'Read about his amazing comeback and what #1 best-selling author Mike Litman has called The Most Inspirational Book of 2002' Out of Darkness - One Man's Journey From The Depths Of Mental Illness to Pure Joy

Listen to Arthur Buchanan on the Mike Litman Show!

http://www.freesuccessaudios.com/Artlive.mp3

THIS LINK WORKS, LISTEN TODAY!

With Much Love,
Arthur Buchanan
President/CEO
Out of Darkness & Into the Light
43 Oakwood Ave. Suite 1012
Huron Ohio, 44839
http://www.out-of-darkness.com
567-219-0994 (cell)

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Does Your Childhood Hold You Back? - By: Jo Ball

Have you come to a point in your life and got stuck and unable to move on?

I’ve been shocked recently to discover how many women and men have suffered one trauma or another during childhood, in particular the amount that have been through abuse.

The experience of abuse, at an age when it would be impossible to know how to handle it, is horrific, be it beatings, humiliation or sexual abuse. These experiences stay with many children, through their teens right into adulthood, bringing up insecurity, anxiety jealousy and even threatening or violent behaviour patterns throughout life.

And maybe it’s here that your life gets stuck. In day-to-day situations where you feel insecure, anxious, jealous or violent you’ll probably revert to a behaviour pattern that you learned in your childhood. When you use that to deal with a current issue this is what you do…

You react – withdrawing or lashing out – even though you know the current situation has nothing to do with what is happening now, and before you know it you have lost an opportunity.

In the aftermath regret and depression set in. You might ask why this happens to you and why life is such a mess and why, every time things seem to get better something comes along and stops you from progressing. Within it all you might even be searching for the meaning and point of life.

If you search for the meaning and point to life and are stopped just knowing and believing the three points below is a very good foundation for your future.

1. I want to tell you that whatever life has dealt you up to this point, that your future can be brighter.

2. I want to tell you that you do possess a unique gift. I also want to tell you that you have a distinctive way of expressing that gift.

3. What might well have happened is that that gift has been buried underneath all the other confusion and chaos.

The last few years of my life have been dedicated to helping people from all walks of life, with all kinds of childhood and adult issues. The moments when they overcome what previously stopped them is very powerful. Their stories are amazing.

Whatever it is that stops you in life right now I hope this article has helped.

Love & best Wishes,

Jo Ball (LCA, Dip)

Coach & Founder, Unstoppable Life

About the Author: I want to help you move on and become unstoppable. At Unstoppable Life, I am developing the next generation of people overcoming block in life and becoming more powerful than ever before. These people are discovering and defining their life purpose. Join my Fr>ee newsletter now at Unstoppable Life and explore my site and discover a mass of informat

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Depression Sufferers Cannot Help Themselves - By Donny Lowy

What would the reaction of the media be if it came out that there was a disease that affected millions of people, for which they could not find help?

You would be right in saying that the reaction would be both swift and explosive.

There is a disease which affects millions, and maybe even hundred of millions of people, for which there is no help.

Actually there is help, but the problem is that the sufferers don’t know that they are infected.
This disease is actually depression.

While the medical field has produced many therapies and medications to help those suffering from depression, this help is not reaching many of those who are affected.

The reason this calamity is taking place, is because many people walk through life without realizing that they are clinically depressed.

For this reason, Donny Lowy, has launched www.curemydepression.com.

Many people who are debilitated by depression could be effectively helped, if they only knew that they were clinically depressed.

www.Curemydepression.com offers detailed steps, strategies, and tips, to help provide guidance for those suffering from depression.

Even more importantly, it has articles that explain what the tell tale signs of depression are.

While the site does not give medical advice, it does provide explanations of what depression is, and what can be done to help someone who is depressed.

www.Curemydepression.com also offers guidance for those who might have a friend or loved one who is experiencing depression.

If you believe that the earlier a disease is spotted, the higher the chance of curing it is, then you know that time is of the essence when it comes to helping yourself, or someone you know, who is depressed.

Donny Lowy, who is the CEO of http://www.closeoutexplosion.com, and http://www.wholesalecloseoutforum.com, launched http://www.curemydepression.com to provide educational guidance on the subject of depression.

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Depression Help & Support Groups - By S. A. Baker

For those who face depression, every day of their lives may seem like a struggle. A struggle to get up, a struggle to face the day and the people involved and it can be a struggle to make the most of the day. It just seems simpler to crawl back into bed and forget about it all. But, the world needs us, we need the world too. So, we get up and deal with the depression. But, there may be a way or a place in which the depression you feel is similar to the depression that others feel and are dealing with as well.

A depression support group can be a great way to see that your situation is not the only one out there. By talking with others who are dealing with depression, you will be able to understand yourself a little better. Maybe they can offer advice on making the day easier or happier. Maybe they can offer an understanding that comes with friendship. By meeting with others in a group setting, you may be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

While it may never cure your depression, simply adding the time to your day to talk about depression with people who understand can be a cure for your aching heart. If you would like more information on finding these support groups or dealing with depression in general, you can find them throughout the internet.

One good site to visit is www.avoiddepression.com. It is not a medical website, but more of a portal to understanding what is going on and how to help yourself with your depression.

S A Baker recommends visiting Depression Help to learn more about depression

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Supplementary Help for Depression - By Stewart Hare

Typical symptoms of depression are feeling sad, depressed mood, crying, insomnia or excessive sleeping, loss of energy, feeling tired, exhaustion, anxiety, weight loss or gain, agitation, nervousness, low sex drive, feeling worthless, excessive guilt, headaches, low concentration, lack of confidence and loss of interest in everyday activities.

Depression can occur due to hormonal imbalances, stress and imbalances in biochemicals within the brain. Depression is more common in women due to hormonal changes that happen in association with childbirth, menstruation and the menopause.

Poor nutrition has been linked with depression; other factors are food allergies, stress, blood sugar levels and excessive amounts of histamine production by the body. It is best to avoid or cut out refined foods, foods high in sugar, coffee, tea, cola drinks, chocolate, alcohol and cigarettes. Milk products and wheat are common foods that cause an allergic reaction so it may be wise to experiment with cutting these foods out of the diet for two week periods.

Increasing exercise will help with depression and it is also wise to consult your doctor who will advise you whether psychiatric therapy or antidepressant drugs are needed. Also, studies have shown that some people who suffer from depression have found that acupuncture can be beneficial.

The following supplements may help if you are suffering from Depression.

Calcium
Fish Oil
Folic Acid
Iron
Multivitamins and multiminerals
St John’s Wort
Vitamin B complex
Vitamin C
Vitamin D

Stewart Hare C.H.Ed Dip NutTh

Advice for a healthier natural life
website: http://www.newbeingnutrition.com

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7 Things You Can Do Immediately To Ease Depression - By Sharon Schurman

1. Get out now and walk fifteen minutes. It will get your feet moving and help you feel you are at least able to do something.

2. Go immediately and be with someone who loves you. It will give you the feeling that you are wanted.

3. Religious? Say a prayer. Ask God to help you get through this.

4. Think of a situation, a place where you were very happy. Visualize yourself in that situation once more.

5. Power of suggestion can do wonders. Say to yourself, "I think I can get better. I have to take it step by step. I will work my way out of this."

6. Go out and buy a plant, or some flowers. Having something living in your house makes you feel more alive.

7. If possible, get outside in the sunshine. If it's not possible, turn on some bright lights. Sunshine and bright light are known to make people happier.

Copyright 2004 Sharon Schurman http://www.depression-help-guide.com is a retired licensed clinical counselor. She has a Master's Degree in Clinical Counseling, and worked for a psychiatrist for many years. She is the author of "Personality Pitfalls of Depression" and "37 Phrases That Make People Like You."

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Handling Severe Depression - By Mark Myhre

As long as I live, I'll never forget the feeling of my mouth wrapped around the cold blue steel of the 6 ½ in. barrel of my Ruger Blackhawk .357 single action revolver.

I was so close to pulling the trigger. And nobody ever knew.

It seemed like I could turn on the 'manic' phase at will - and be as friendly and outgoing and talkative as the situation required. But as soon as I was alone again, I'd start sinking down, down, down.

Those days are long gone - and I doubt they're ever coming back. I've found too many tools I can use to feel better. (Mostly because I learned the value of embracing and releasing my emotions!)

But what do you do - when the argument to kill yourself becomes too strong? ...and a little too logical?

"Hey - I gave it my best shot. I tried. God knows I tried. But I failed. This pain will never end. C'mon Mark - you know that. Nothing could be worse than these feelings. You know you'll be doing the world a favor. Go ahead. Get it over with. Do it now..."

You hear that stuff in your head and you start believing it.

When you're in that place of total despair - your options become quite limited.

One option involves taking antidepressants. And under those circumstances - who could blame you?

In my opinion, this may perhaps be the only real situation where taking a depression medication truly qualifies as an appropriate response. Especially if you can't do the second option.

The second option involves understanding the many different emotional levels, and "working your way up the ladder". Climbing up from where you are now, to a different emotional state that feels better.

All emotions exists on a scale, from the most positively expansive down to the most negatively constrictive.

Most of the time, we feel stuck on whatever level we're at - especially when we're on the lower end of the scale.

True depression - along with the thoughts and feelings it generates - lies at the very bottom of this scale. Nothing is worse than severe depression. It's the lowest level of all possible emotional states.

See, when you're truly crushed by depression - you're not likely to just snap out of it and feel wonderful. At best, you'll usually fake it for a short time by going into manic behavior, and then end up right where you started from.

But if you can correctly identify where you're at right now - emotionally speaking - then you have a starting point with which to work. And once you have a starting point, then you can reach and stretch for the best possible thoughts and feelings available to you.

Loneliness is one step up from the crushing weight of depression. When you've reached the total despair of hopelessness and depression - even feeling painfully lonely is a step in the right direction.

Beyond that lies hate and rage. Being consumed with hate is two steps up from depression. Much better to feel hate than to feel depression.

Am I telling you to feel hate?

Yes, if you're currently lonely or depressed, definitely reach for your hate. Not to stay there, but as one step on the emotional ladder.

There's a lot of passion in hate.

If you're *not* lonely, depressed, hopeless, empty or hollow - then don't go for hate!

The goal is to always reach for a better feeling state.

It starts with knowing where you're at right now. It starts with awareness of what you're thinking and feeling.

If you will take a sheet of paper and write out all your thoughts -

and then take another sheet and write down all your feelings -

...you will begin to find your hope. And a tiny bit of your power.

"Going through" your emotions strengthens you. And one way to start going through your emotions is to write them down.

Go through your emotions. You could imagine yourself walking through a minefield or a battlefield, if that's what it takes. Embrace your emotions by walking into them. Release your emotions by walking out the other side. That's one way to embrace and release your emotions.

Anytime you embrace and release your thoughts and feelings - you'll find yourself a tiny bit stronger.

If you're depressed - write it out. Then FEEL what you've written. Then you can reach for loneliness.

If you're lonely, do the same with *those* thoughts and feelings, so you can reach for hate. Not to stay there, but as one step up the ladder.

(See the full list at http://www.emotional-times.com/blog.html)

The key is to STOP AVOIDING those horrible feelings. Instead, go *into* them and out the other side.

That's how you climb the ladder and start feeling better.

Mark Ivar Myhre, The Emotional Healing Wizard, offers unique cutting-edge emotional healing tips, techniques and secrets that teach you how to deal with depression, stress, anxiety, and much more. ==> http://www.join-the-fun.com

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Alternatives In Mental Health - By Pradeep Chadha

"Health" and "illness" are contrasting terms. They can be used in physical or in mental context. We know that physical exercise done on a regular basis keeps us healthy. Mental exercise also keeps us mentally healthy. Just like after doing physical exercise we need rest, after mental exercise the mind also needs rest. But we hear the term "physical rest" frequently. The term "mental rest" is rarely used. No doubt then that as mental activities have increased with industrialisation, stress has increased. This stress results from our inability to allow our mind to become inactive or relaxed for even a short time.

Some people believe that our brain becomes inactive when we sleep. If that were so then we should not have any dreams. Dreams are evidence that our mind remains active, even when we are asleep. This simply means that our mind is active 24 hours a day without any rest at all. Just imagine how our bodies would behave if we were to go through 24 hours of physical activity.

Although research may show that 30% of mental illness may occur without a trigger of stress, it also shows that a majority - 70% - of mental illnesses occur with stress. The research may have failed to look at the other 30%, mentally ill who may not be 'acknowledging' stress at a given moment. This gives us a pessimistic view of mental illnesses. We are made to believe that we can do nothing about them. We are also told that mental illnesses occur because of our genes, our upbringing, our personality, our temperament, our lifestyle and we can do nothing about them.

Stress or no stress, we are told, if we have all these factors loaded in our personal history, we are prone to have a mental illness. Some psychiatrists adhere to this belief strongly. This belief is then put across authoritatively as the "gospel truth" of science. Naturally, this brings up a sense of low self-esteem and helplessness in the person who is suffering with the illness. We are then made to believe that medications are man-made answers to mental illness, which is a curse of nature.

Prayer, which was until recently considered unscientific, has now been shown to have beneficial effects on patients.1 Similarly, the current belief in psychiatry is that mental illnesses can be treated by medical professionals only and the person who is mentally ill has no control over their lives. The medical system works in a way in which the doctors themselves have limited choices other than prescribing drugs. The patient has no choices worth mentioning. From the legal perspective, a person who is mentally ill is considered not capable of taking any responsibility for their actions. This is one of the most unfortunate aspects of mental illnesses. People who are mentally ill also have a sense of responsibility in many areas of their lives.

The role of emotions in mental illnesses has been totally ignored by scientists. Yet researches do show that separation from mother,2 losses3 - including deaths,4 traumatic events, especially when they occur over the previous three months5 can trigger mental illnesses. What has been looked at is the history of such events in a person's life. What is ignored is the emotional upheaval it causes in a person's body and mind. Emotional expression ameliorates the effects of trauma.6 Repetitive upheavals in the body are simply not forgotten. Release of emotions by emotional expression explains the role of counselling and confession. We tend to believe, erroneously, that everything will settle with time. Things do settle with time - but not everything. It is these issues and their emotional effects, that cause mental illnesses and psychosomatic illnesses. It is obvious that whenever we undergo any emotional experience, our nervous and hormonal systems are shaken-up. The nervous system and the hormones together control the activities of various parts of the body. If the neurohormonal expression is allowed to go through completion, a physiological calmness occurs in the body. This has a scientific basis.7

For people who attend church regularly, a common experience is the sense of calmness on entering a church. Coupled with music, incense and sermons spoken in a low, soft tone, a sense of calmness dwells on the person. There is scientific evidence to suggest that going to church helps a person remain healthy.8 More interesting is the fact that there is little research to state that music or aromatherapy help to bring about mental health. Yet experience shows that they have a calming effect. Only recently have papers started to be published in scientific journals bridging the gap between spirituality and science.9 It has now been researched that people who are religious in orientation have a lower rate of strokes than those who are not religious.10

The whole area of mental illness is about losing a sense of freedom. When we find ourselves bound to emotional issues of our life, that we cannot rid ourselves of, we lose our freedom of thinking. This creates stress in our mind and our body bears the brunt of it. This loss of freedom brings up a sense of fear or a sense of helplessness. Both such feelings bring up a sense of insecurity. A person loses confidence in their own worth. Self-esteem becomes low. With lack of confidence and low self-esteem, comes poor decision-making. A person suffers with all these conditions when suffering with a mental illness. This changes the behaviour of the person. The behaviour is affected by the way the person feels and thinks. If the person feels fear for a long time, the chances of becoming phobic and paranoid increase. Withdrawal from social situations occurs. The family members observe the person to be unwell. Such a person is then asked to see a doctor. With the person's self-esteem low, vulnerability increases. This does not mean however, that the person becomes totally irresponsible towards their own well-being. Many times the person wants to do 'something' to get better, but the health system has limited resources to offer much in terms of growth of the person, except medication. When a mentally ill person goes to seek help - confidence, self-esteem and sense of freedom are already lost. Instead of helping the person become independent, there is a tendency to make the person dependent on medication.

Medication plays its role in controlling the condition or state of illness. It does nothing to improve the quality of life permanently. To improve their quality of life, the person needs to take responsibility for their own well-being. This is encouraged in some of the organisations, which are being run by the sufferers themselves. GROW is an example of such an organisation. Are there any alternatives to medication in mental conditions? A doctor can only prescribe drugs to "control" the mental condition. The current trend in some other parts of the world is to encourage people suffering with mental illnesses to take responsibility for their own well-being, along with medication. Psychotherapy11 and self-help is encouraged. The usage of medication in such situations is minimised or eliminated.

In psychiatry, we know that the suicide rate among physicians is higher than in the general population and psychiatrists are at a greater risk among physicians, than other specialists.12 Research shows that psychotherapy is more economical than medication alone in treating mental illness.13 Conditions like schizophrenia are also being treated without medication in some parts of the world.14 It is also a known fact that the more positive the attitude we have, the more balanced are the chemicals in our body.15 This would be more acceptable for those who see the positive role of religion on mental health. Some authors have suggested that the medicine of the future is going to be "prayer and Prozac."16 Mental health is a preventative activity. Do we need to suffer first before we take steps to deal with it? If we could only assume responsibility for our own mental health, we may not have to suffer. The best medicine in this case is certainly prevention.

We live in a free society. The freedom to suffer is also one kind of freedom. We also have the freedom to look for answers to minimise our suffering.

REFERENCES

1. ASTIN, J.A., (2000) Prayer, Other Forms of 'Distant Healing' seem to have Positive Effects. Medscape. Annals of Internal Medicine 132: P.903-910.

2. HARRIS T., BROWN G. W., BIFULCO A., (1986) Loss of Parent in Childhood and Adult Psychiatric Disorder: The Role of Lack of Adequate Parental Care. Psychological Medicine 16: P.641-659.

3. BROWN G. W., HARRIS T., (1978) Social Origins of Depression. Tavistock, London.

4. BIRTCHNELL J., (1970) Depression in Relation to Early and Recent Parent Death. British Journal of Psychiatry 116: P.299-306.

5. BROWN G. W., BIRLEY J. L. T., (1968) Crises and Life Changes and the onset of Schizophrenia. Journal of Health and Social Behaviour 9: P.203-214.

6. KELLER, S.E., SHIFLETT, S.C., SCHLIEFER, S.J. & BARTLETT, J.A. (1994) Stress, Immunity and Health. Handbook of Human Stress & Immunity. San Diego: Academic. P.217-244.

7. CHADHA, P. K., (2000) Drugless Psychiatry - Physiological Basis of Clinical Experiences. Paper presented in 6th Conference - Innovations in Psychiatry, London, April 2000.

8. COMSTOCK, G.W., PARTIDGE, K.B., (1972) Church Attendance and Health. Journal of Chronic Diseases 225: P.665-72.

9. SLOAN, R.P., BAGIELLA E., POWELL T., (1999) Religion, Spirituality and Medicine. Lancet 353: P.664-67.

10. KOENIG, H.G., (1997) Is Religion Good for your Health? Haworth Pastoral Press, N.Y.

11. POMERANTZ, J.M. (1999). Focused Psychotherapy as an Alternative to Long Term Medication. Drug Benefit Trends 11 (7) : P.2, 5.

12. KAPLAN, H.I., SADOCK., B.J., (1998) Synopsis of Psychiatry - 8th Edition - B.I. Waverly Pvt. Ltd., New Delhi. P.865.

13. TALLEY P. F., STRUPP, H. H., BUTLER S. S., (1994) Psychotherapy Research and Practice, Harper Collins: London.

14. McKENZIE, C.D., & WRIGHT, L.S., (1996) Delayed Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders from Infancy - The Two Trauma Mechanism. Harwood Academic.

15. MOON, A. M., (2000) Positive Psychology Halved Depression in Kids. Clinical Psychiatry News. 28 (5): P.29.

16. MATTHEWS, D.A., LARSON, D.B., (1997) Faith and Medicine: Reconciling the Twin Traditions of Healing. Mind/Body Medicine : 2: P.3-6.


Dr. Pradeep K. Chadha is a psychiatrist,who practises as a psychotherapist specialising in drugless treatment of psychological conditions. He is the author of 'THE STRESS BARRIER - NATURE'S WAY TO OVERCOMING STRESS' published by Blackhall Publishing, Dublin. He is based in Dublin, Ireland. His website address is:http://www.drpkchadha.com

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You CAN Deal With Your Depression- By Anna Allen

Depression is a common worldwide problem affecting people of all ages, races and every social and economic level. Each year over 100 million people worldwide suffer from severe depression. In fact, it is so widespread that it has been labeled 'The Common Cold of Mental Illness.'

Despite being so widespread, depression is also one of the most treatable illnesses out there.

If you want to deal with your depression and fight it, you have to first:

* Analyze the reasons for your condition.

Truly examine your inner feelings and motives. Quit mentally beating yourself up for feeling the way you do and try to concentrate on getting well.

Ask yourself if things are really 'all that bad' and if the circumstances warrant your depressed feelings. If your depressed mood lingers, it's a good idea to:

* Visit your Doctor

Many times depression can have a physical cause, so your doctor can check to see if you have some sort of metabolic disturbance. He can also check for anemia, low blood sugar, diabetes, mononucleosis, or some other illness that could be contributing to weakness and discouragement.

If your situation is extreme and persists, you may want to have the disorder treated by a professional who specializes in depression so he can see how much of your depression lies in your own mental attitude and see what influence in you life brings about that 'down' feeling.

Depression is not in itself proof of mental weakness so don't keep silent because of embarrassment. The most important thing you can do to fight your disorder is:

* Talk to someone about it.

No one can know how you feel unless you open up and talk about it. Just getting it off your chest can bring relief. By confiding in someone who is empathetic and can help, many times you find that you are not alone and that others have gone through the same thing. They can even help you by telling you how they dealt with it. So talking to an understanding person many times can help you to deal with your depression, so try not to bottle up all those troubling emotions which will only make your depression worse.

Another way to deal with your depression is to:

* Build your self esteem and recognize how valuable you really are.

There's a saying that goes:
'To the world, you may be one person;
But to one person, you may be the world.'

That saying is so true!

Many times those who suffer from depression experience feelings of worthlessness. Many of them had an unhappy childhood filled with abuse, whether it was physical, emotional or even sexual. Because of their troubled past, many are left with severe emotional scars. The important thing to remember is that none of the emotional scars change a person's worth. So when we're feeling worthless, just keeping in mind the saying above. More importantly, always remember that all of us are valuable in God's eyes.

Remember, God is our loving creator. He cares for us and will give us the strength needed to endure our emotional pain. Even if we've been fighting depression and putting forth an honest effort to overcome it, we should never give up and think we'd be better off dead. Suicide is NEVER the answer. No situation is hopeless.

* Never stop praying

God's Word the Bible tells us to 'throw our burdens on the Lord and he himself will sustain us.' (Psalms 55:22.) So never stop praying and asking God for help. His word tells us that he will give us 'the power beyond what is normal' (2 Cor. 4:7b.) so that we can endure our emotional pain.

It should also bring us comfort knowing that God has promised that our depression will not last forever. He promises that 'death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore' (Rev. 21:3, 4). What a comforting thought!

In conclusion, no matter how long you've been suffering and no matter what your problem is, I hope, with this article, I've been able to provide you with helpful and comforting information so that You Can Deal With Your Depression.

To Your Health,

Anna

Cherish Your Life - This Darling Little Girl Never Had the Opportunity to Do That - By Gary Simpson

Flicking through the last few pages of our local newspaper this morning I was attracted to a small one inch by two-inch photograph of a gorgeous little girl. Initially, I thought it was a birthday notice. You know - the ones that people put in when somebody turns 21 or 40 or some other milestone. But my heart sank when I realized that it was in the column marked "Memorial."

I sat stunned for several moments just looking at the photo of the happy blonde-haired toddler with the cute smile wearing a beautiful light-colored dress. I almost wasn't able to read the obituary but, out of respect, I did.

Please let me share with you the words of her Mom:

"Born November 3, 1955. Tragically taken April 8, 1958.No words can describe the heartache I went throughover the loss of my baby girl and the tears that yourbig sister Cheryl and brothers Brian and Ian shed for their baby sister.This day would have been your 50th birthday.Instead of being with your family, you are in God's garden withthe flowers, angels and your dear father to care for you always.Loving memories Mom, Cheryl, Brian and Ian.

Now, I'm not sure what effect those words have on you but I don't mind admitting that, looking at the photograph of this beautiful little girl and then reading those heart-rending words, they had quite an effect on me.

Staring at the photograph I reflected for a few minutes on how precious life is and how we should never take the gift of life for granted. But how often do we all do just that?

When things go horribly wrong or major disasters are sent to challenge us, how many times do we wish we could just end it all? Yes, we recover. We usually do. Life goes on for most of us. Sadly, for some it does not.

We all face times of great trial throughout our lives. But here was a beautiful little girl who could have been anything she wanted to be - taken tragically after just two years and five months of life. She never experienced much at all except, of course, the obvious love of her family.

I don't know how she died. The notice only said that her death was tragic. So all I know is that she died before she had the chance to experience life much at all. She wasn't given the opportunity of experiencing the joys of going to school, making friends, playing games, growing up with her family, choosing a career, falling in love, having a family of her own and all the rest of the things that most of us simply take for granted each and every day.

Now, tell me... what is upsetting you today? Have I been able to put your worries and concerns into some sort of perspective for you? I hope so.

In honor and memory of this little girl I will tell you her name. It was Robyn Ann Cunningham. And today would have been her fiftieth birthday. May she reside in the care of God for all eternity.

This article comes with reprint rights providing no changes are made and the resource box below accompanies it. You may email it to any person who you feel might benefit from the message it contains. You might even like to print it out and read it during those inevitable times when you think that everything is crashing down around you.

Cherish your life - this darling little girl never had the opportunity to do that. You do.

About the author: Gary Simpson is the author of eight books covering a diverse range of subjects such as self esteem, affirmations, self defense, finance and much more. His articles appear all over the web. Gary's email address is budo@iinet.net.au. Click here to go to his Motivation & Self Esteem for Success website where you can receive his "Zenspirational Thoughts" plus an immediate FREE copy of his highly acclaimed, life-changing e-book "The Power of Choice."

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Stop Your Destructive Inner Voice - By Chris Green

Stress. Depression. Anxiety. They’re powerful words that conjure up all kinds of images and prejudices in our minds. People who suffer from these illnesses find it hard to cope with life. They can feel deeply unhappy, they can find no joy in anything life has to offer, and of course, their levels of self-esteem, confidence and self-respect plummet.

But how can this happen to someone?

Let’s concentrate on how these illnesses affect the way we value the self. Of all of the destructive patterns of behavior these illnesses cause, the way a sufferer talks to the self is the fuel that maintains their illness.

I have experienced depression from two sides. For 5 years, a series of traumatic events triggered a personal nightmare I believed would never end. One of these events came when my lover was diagnosed with depression. At this time, I too had entered into the spiral of anxiety-induced depression. Both of these experiences have given me an insight into how sufferers destroy any value of the self.

Let me give a couple of examples. With my partner, if I’d arranged an evening out with friends, she’d say:

“No, I won’t come, you go without me. I never have anything interesting to say. I just bore people. They’ll find me an effort to be with. I’ll stay here.”

If I made a mistake, I’d say to myself:

“I’m useless. I’m no good at anything. Everything I do I get wrong.”

This self-deprecation then spreads into other areas of life. You begin to criticize the way you look, the decisions you make or don’t make, and you focus solely on the downside of life. Each time a little bit of self-worth, a little bit of self-respect and a little bit of self-confidence are eroded. Eventually, they are lost completely. When I reached my lowest point, having lost everything and everyone I loved, I’d say to myself:

“If I died tomorrow, no one would know and no one would care.”

So, what helped me to come out of the fog?

Well, the reason I thought I’d become depressed was because of a series of traumatic events occurring at the same time. I was wrong. The root cause of my depression lay in the ways I reacted to them. One of the ways I’d reacted was to blame myself for events I couldn’t control. The more I blamed myself, the more I beat myself up. The more I beat myself up, the more my self-esteem decreased.

The phrases I have used to briefly illustrate self-deprecating phrases we continually use against the self are mild. I’m sure you realize that many people use much stronger phrases than I’ve given here. The point is that these phrases would be totally unacceptable to say to others. You wouldn’t tell a person that they were boring, an effort to be with and that everyone found their company dull and it would be better for everyone else if they kept away from people.

Agreed?
Yet, if I say to people:

“Pay yourself compliments. Accentuate your good in all areas of your life. Write down your good points, your triumphs, your achievements. Remind yourself as often as possible about all the good you have done.”

They look at me like I’m an alien and say they’d feel stupid. Or uncomfortable. Or even embarrassed.Yet they don’t feel any of these emotions when they talk to themselves using emotionally charged, self-deprecating phrases! And like rust upon metal, these phrases gradually erode our self-esteem and our confidence.

OK, here’s the bottom-line. I’d like you to inscribe what you are about to read into your mind over and over again until it is permanently etched there:

It is NEVER acceptable to talk to myself in a way I know is inappropriate and even offensive if I spoke in the same way to others.

Time for me to sign off, but before I do, here’s a phrase I say to myself every single day without fail. Please use it, it is very powerful:

“If you put yourself down, down is where you will stay.”

Chris Green is the author of the new book “Conquering Stress”, a special program which will show you how to conquer stressful illnesses such as depression, anxiety, panic and worry permanently and without taking powerful drugs. For more information, pleaase click here => http://www.conqueringstress.com

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Big Fat Lie - Time Heals All Wounds - By Jeff Herring

Are you familiar with the phrase "Time heals all wounds?" This is one I often hear people say as they try to brush aside traumas and hurts in their lives.

But it is one of the most destructive cliches, simply because it sounds so close to the truth that it is difficult to spot the big lie here.

At risk of sounding too philosophical, time is an artificial structure that we have created, much like state or country lines. (Have you ever seen a state line? I used to look for them on the ground when I was a kid.)

What I say to clients when they say "time heals all wounds" is that time doesn't heal anything, time simply passes. It is what we do with our lives while time is passing that either helps us, heals us or keeps us stuck.

In my work over the years, I have noticed that some people seem to have an ability to accept the hurts and disappointments of life and then move on. They have a certain resiliency.

Others seem to stay stuck in their pain, living as if the painful events of their lives had occurred just moments ago.

As I sought to understand the strategies of these different types of people, some interesting differences made themselves clear.

What follows are lists of strategies for how to remain miserable and then strategies for how to heal, move on, and thrive.

How to stay miserable

• Complain about the unfairness of it all. ("This should not have happened" - "How could anyone do such a thing?")

• Organize your life around the event, trauma or injustice. Make it a central theme in your life. Talk about nothing else. Bore your friends.

• Remain bitter and unforgiving. A wise friend of mine once said, "Not forgiving someone is much like trying to crush a sandspur between your fingers. You might eventually do it, but it sure is going to hurt."

• Become a victim. Give up your power to take responsibility and control over your own life.

• Play the scene over and over in your mind. Keep thinking of what you should have done or what you should have said.

How to move on, heal and thrive

• Talk about it. Many of us mistakenly believe that if we keep it inside it won't bother us. Quite the opposite is true. Remember the character -Tom Wingo in "Prince of Tides" and the damage done by not talking about the trauma that had happened in his family? Many times, getting it. out in the open can make it manageable.

• Forgive those involved. Forgiving does not condone what someone else did, it simply releases us from the pain of their actions.

• Most importantly, follow this favorite advice of mine:

"Make a place for the event in your life and then put it in its place."

It's important to remember that it did happen and it did affect you. At the same time, its place is in the past, much like a chapter in a book you have read and choose not to read again.

• If you find yourself wanting to but unable to follow these suggestions, you may want to get professional help putting the past behind you.

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Andropause and Depression - By Cathy Taylor

Andropause correlates directly with depression – a major player in the notorious mid-life crisis period men face in their late 40´s to late 50´s. There are a wide variety of symptoms and conditions hormone-wrecked men experience during this mid-life transition – everything from the mental (i.e. irritability) to the physical (loss of libido, lack of energy, and weight gain.) Depression, left untreated, can be a disabling condition.

Andropause depression is due to dropping levels of testosterone. Low testosterone levels cause many depressive symptoms – among them, a general indifference to events surrounding you, the inability to concentrate, extreme irritability, and memory loss. We might stress over things that might otherwise be worry-free in a normal situation and brood over certain matters. Our memory might go down the drain and we begin to see our lives in a negative light.

Energy levels plummet and enthusiasm for the activities we used to enjoy become flat-lined. Insomnia and restlessness is also a common symptom. Normal everyday things might become a burden to us, and the simplest shout of a child can make us excessively irritable. Psychologists use a variety of battery tests to figure out whether you suffer from depression. Besides handing you test sheets to work with, they also place you under observation – noticing your behavior, tendencies, and habits while talking to them.

Men tend to be rebellious creatures by nature. We love shrugging off our faults and being poised in the midst of emotional trouble. We take on the role as masculine creatures – lion kings of the jungle that reign over the sprawling landscape we call life. Men can be in full denial when it comes to questions about their sexual ability and prowess. Refusing to understand that we aren’t who we once were with our sexual performance as a result of Andropause is in our blood. Fellas, it is time to become aware and acquainted with the severity of your depression.

Off the bat, there are facts and figures supporting depression as a major problem. For one, 80% of all suicides in the United States are carried out by men. The majority of people with this condition never seek the advice and counsel of therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists. Probably the most shocking fact of all is the male suicide rate is highest during the Andropause years. You read correctly – highest during the years we’re specifically talking about.

How do we deal with these devastating changes to our lives? How can we manage stress to reduce the chances of clinical depression? For one, we must follow a daily exercise regimen. That coupled with a caffeine-free diet will boost our immune systems to fight disease. It will also slow down the aging process. Aim to maintain that explosive 30-inch, vertical leap well into your 60s! Another is doing the activities we love. Don’t stray from playing your pick-up basketball games with buddies or building those go-carts from scratch as a hobby. Stick to them and enjoy the satisfaction of doing so. Distract yourself from your current condition without ignoring it completely.

Maintain a social network of friends and family that will cheer you up when you need it most. Something as simple as having your young child shove a hand drawing of a red school bus in your face can provide for laughs and smiles. The most important piece of advice is to accept your condition and make accommodations. For example, low testosterone levels can easily be supplemented with testosterone cream. It’s bound to happen to all of us, and you either have the choice of making the best of it or letting it overwhelm you. Awareness is critical, and an optimistic attitude, followed with physical activity and a solid nutritional plan, is the best means of fighting Andropause, anti-aging, and the demon known as depression.

Cathy Taylor is a marketing consultant with over 25 years experience. She specializes in internet marketing, strategy and plan development, as well as management of communications and public relations programs for small business sectors. She can be reached at Creative Communications: creative-com@cox.net or by visiting http://www.howtoconquermenopause.com or http://www.everythingmenopause.com or http://www.internet-marketing-small-business.com

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There Is Life After Divorce - By Fran Watson

A married woman becomes a single woman for one of two reasons: death or divorce. The former is an honourable state, the latter is not.

When a woman loses her husband to death the neighbours all rally round and provide meals and any help they can give with regard to household repairs or cleaning or anything that is needed. They are willing to provide comfort and a shoulder to cry on. They are available for the widow and they include her in their activities, feeling sorry for her that she is now so alone.

However, things are quite different when a marriage ends due to infidelity or marital breakdown. That immediately plunges a woman into a new category. She is transformed, instantaneously it seems,from a married woman to a divorcee. Becoming one of many, part of a group of used and discarded women, seen as suspect by all those who are still safely ensconced in the womb of their marriage.

People tend to withdraw from her. Invitations to get togethers cease. It appears that women think their husbands might be attracted to the idea of an “available woman” and so the women who used to be friends withdraw and leave her alone with her tears and her fears. There are no meals prepared and no offers of help. Husbands are kept at home just in case, for such is the image portrayed of a divorcee. The husbands might not be safe. She might cause the destruction of other marriages.

We read jokes all the time about the lonely divorcee who invites the mailman, the milkman, or the Maytag repairman into her home with the intent of seducing him. (A joke made up, I am sure, by a man who has never known the humiliation and pain of being a divorcee.) Perhaps she even seduces them one right after the other, for such is the life of the “gay divorcee”, isn’t it? Freed from the bonds of marriage, with unmet needs and desires, divorcees are wanting to fill the void; or at least that is the popular image. And so in place of invitations to parties or neighbourhood barbeques which were formerly were issued to the couple and their family, there is an empty mailbox, and the phone stays quiet. She checks it every now and then to make sure it is still working.

The divorcee begins to feel as though she no longer exists; as if, because she is no longer half of a relationship, she ceases to be a part of the neighbourhood. Women who used to call her friend no longer call. Her children are not invited to play with the neighbours’ children. Perhaps the women feel they would be contaminated by the disease of divorce, as if it were a virus that could be caught, or maybe they just don’t know how to talk to a newly divorced woman. A divorced man, on the other hand, is often seen as more eligible and is a welcome addition to many parties. His social life may increase, and because he usually does not have the children, his disposable income is often enough to keep him comfortably.

However, life goes on. The bills still have to be paid, the kids still have to be fed and they have to be clothed. Family chores that were done by two are now done by one. If the children are old enough, they can chip in and help with the household duties such as dishes and meal preparation and housecleaning. Because of the reduction in income, the divorcee is often forced to seek employment and then she has two jobs; one inside and one outside the home.

Sometimes the inside life doesn’t change much. For those who had husbands who simply went to work and came home at night expecting to be waited on, their workload is reduced by one person, so this can be a blessing. But the availability of a backup when she is really tired and the kids are really obnoxious is a problem. She has to deal with all the problems, tired or not.

Because she has been ostracized by her neighbours she seeks out other divorcees for companionship, often building relationships and forming deep bonds that last for years as they share the day to day problems and achievements. They get together with their kids and pool their resources for family dinners. They support each other in job searches, in the handling of problems, in the fights with their exes. They listen to each other and care for each other’s children.

Sometimes, because of the great reduction in income, divorcees are forced to apply for an allowance from the provincial government. This is known as welfare or Mother’s Allowance. There they are told that they have no right to have a phone or a car, or any of the things they consider necessities but the government considers luxuries, such as a heating bill over the allotted amount. Widows, on the other hand, usually receive a pension from their husband’s estate which they can spend however they want, with no rules. The divorcees are told to sell the car and get rid of the phone, even if they are out in the country. If they have a house, they might have to give it up and move the children to a new area. Sometimes, in order to survive, they may use credit cards to buy the things they feel they need for their kids for school and other activities. They may not be able to send their kids on school trips or buy the clothes that the kids need to fit in and so their kids may be ridiculed because of the way they dress. When the kids come home crying, they often feel guilty and wonder if they couldn’t have worked things out better with their ex-husbands. They cry but try to hide the tears from their children, not wanting to upset them.

When the divorcee ventures into the realms of the full-time employee instead of part-time, she must find a babysitter for her kids, arrange everyone’s schedule and settle into her new lifestyle. She tries to find a boss who is willing to let her attend the various special events at her children’s school and cries silently to herself when she is unable to attend a day graduation due to work, or when she is unable to see her children receive sports awards, but she knows that she is doing the best she can. She attends what she can in the evenings and on weekends and hopes it is enough.

As the divorcee settles into life on her own, she may begin to find advantages such as being able to go where she wants, when she wants and with whom she wants. She has only to consider herself, and her kids, if she has any. Eventually the heartaches will ease a little and the divorcee will reach out to others a little more, perhaps even being willing to take the risk of dating another man.

Her circumstances may not have changed a lot. She still struggles to pay bills, to provide for her kids, yet she finds her life is full. Not the rumoured life of the gay divorcee, replete with men or with parties and wild living, but one of love for her kids, and perhaps of studying for a degree while working in a fulfilling career where helping others. She has weathered the storms of life and feels that she has come out on top. Her children move on to their own homes and to employment. Perhaps her eldest has his dream job, that of webmaster and service technician. Another may become the youngest Inventory Control Manager and the only female one in Eastern Ontario for a large soft drink company. Another, with a child of her own, may work part-time and plan to return to school to take an Esthetics course. Her children could be very involved in hockey, perhaps playing at the AA level or Junior A level which requires a lot of travelling and sacrifice of personal time. But to her it is all worth it to watch her child score the winning goal and to see the smile on his face as he turns from the net. Her heart swells with pride as his teammates congratulate him and the parents lean over to say how well he played.

Yes, life continues after divorce, the pain and heartache suffered in the beginning eventually fade somewhat and the divorcee finds the strength to survive and, more than that, to move on to whatever the future has in store.

For more poetry and stories you can go to Fran's webpage http://www.franwatson.ca

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Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!

I just wanted to Thank all of you who have taken the time to post your kind comments to me regarding my blog and the articles I post. I do a lot of research and try to find the most helpful articles so that others who are suffering from this terrible illness can find comfort and hope.

I have several close family members and even a few friends who suffer from Depression and are getting help. I find that Depression is, in many cases, an ongoing illness that has to be treated. Twice in my life I have come extremely close to losing a loved one to suicide, one of them was very recent. I too, earlier in my life, had bouts of depression. I even went as far as to hold the pills in my hand that I was going to take to 'end it all' as they say. I'm very glad that God helped me and gave me the strength and courage to look at the good things in my life and not end it. I have come to realize that I actually am loved by some people out there and worth more than I'll ever know.

It warms my heart that this blog has accomplished what I set out to do. I wanted to help people suffer from Depression and it seems, by the comments I've received, that I have. So all my hard work and research is not in vain or for nothing.

So once again, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, for all the nice comments. Please feel free to visit as often as you like. I will continue my research and continue to look for helpful articles. I love hearing from you all, so I welcome all you comments.

To Your Health and Happiness,
Anna

Identifying Depression: What To Do If A Loved One Is Suffering - By Michelle Rabin, Ph.D.

Depression can take on many faces depending upon the person, their age, and their gender. Overall, the best thing to be aware of is a significant change in activity or behavior.

Depression In Teens

Depression in teenagers can be difficult to identify, as their mood cycles are traditionally erratic. In general, females tend to suffer from depression more than males, but don’t overlook a young male whose behavior has changed. Again, the things to look out for are marked changes in behavior. If the teen tends to be social and there’s been a significant reduction in their social activities, than that might be an indication that he or she is depressed. Is the phone ringing a lot less? Have they become more withdrawn from the family? Are they sleeping excessively but still seeming to be tired a lot? It’s also not unusual for them to be especially irritable and cranky. Tearfulness is yet another sign. Grades in school often decline as the teen becomes more distracted and less attentive.

Drug use is also a concern for teens that are depressed—as it is for anyone suffering from this problem—because people often medicate their depression with alcohol and /or drugs to try to feel better.

Depression in Adults

Adults tend to hide their depression a little better than kids. They’ve learned how to put a mask on and act as if everything is fine, even when it is not. Appetite is often a strong indicator. The loss of appetite is most common, however there are those who sooth themselves with food so, in that case, you would expect to see a weight gain. Sexual appetite is another variable that is often identified. Depression puts a damper on sexual desire. Essentially when a person stops doing those activities that they used to enjoy, there’s a good chance that depression can be a factor.

Depression In The Elderly

The elderly suffer from depression a lot more than is reported. The older generation still feels a lot of shame and embarrassment about mental illnesses. The harsh reality of the elderly is that their friends are dying on a regular basis. These losses bring up many different feelings, ranging from loneliness and loss to the realization that their time is also limited. Withdrawal is a common sign, as well as weight loss, fatigue and irritability. It is critical to have the elderly evaluated by a competent gerontologist (a doctor who specializes in the older population) to rule out worrisome medical concerns.

Discussing Suicide

When a family member is discovered to be depressed, there is often a reluctance to be direct and straight forward with them. Often people think what if I ask the person if they feel like they want to end their life, and I’ve gotten them thinking about suicide when they hadn’t previously considered it? That will never happen. If a person is severely depressed, they will most likely have given some thought to ending their life. Vague, passing thoughts about suicide are normal for everyone at one time or another. What you need to be worried about is if a person has actually constructed a plan to end their life. Another phenomenon to watch out for is if someone who had been previously very depressed suddenly seems to be fine— happy even—and starts giving their possessions away. Do not be fooled into thinking that this person has made a spontaneous recovery.

So, if someone takes a sudden turn for the better and starts giving things away, or if someone talks to you about having a specific plan to end their life, you MUST take action. These are definitely cases of it being better to err on the side of caution. Let the person know that you are concerned about them, and ask that they speak with a mental health professional. You might offer to get an appointment for them and then take them to the appointment. If they refuse treatment, it is essential that you contact a mental health professional and seek their advice. You can search the internet, the phone book, or call information to get the number for your community mental health center. Most community mental health centers have an emergency clinician on call 24 hours a day to assist in such an emergency. Do not leave the person alone until they’ve been evaluated and it has been determined that they’re able to be left without supervision. People often feel concerned about upsetting the person by pushing for evaluation or treatment. The most important thing here is to prevent a suicide. Even if the person is initially angry, once their depression lifts they will be forever grateful that you intervened on their behalf. Depression is a life threatening illness. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Imagine this….a person feels so miserable that they decide they can’t take feeling this badly for another minute. But the good news is that the vast majority of people suffering from depression will recover and continue to have normal lives. I’ve occasionally had to make deals with my patients. I’ve suggested that they give me 3-6 months to help them feel good again. If I’m unable to help them change their perspective and feel better, then I’ll consider the possibility that suicide is the only remaining option for them. In all of my 25 years of seeing patients, it’s never come to that. Although not everyone has achieved perfect “normalcy” within that time period, the vast majority of people experience a considerable enough improvement to warrant wanting to continue their life.

Don’t be afraid to talk about depression. Don’t be afraid of tears. There is help available for everyone. Most community mental health centers receive state and federal funds so they have the opportunity to provide treatment and no or low cost. Everyone today can find some kind of treatment if they need it.

Dr. Michelle Rabin is a clinial psychologist with 25 years of experience treating depression. More information and depression resources can be found at http://www.depression-symptoms-treatment.com/tagt/depression-treatment-ax.html

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