Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Desperate Housewife No More- 8 Ways To Take Back Your Life - By: Marie Roker

Do you feel that you are living someone else’s life? Do you want to feel good and positive about yourself and your life? These 8 simple steps will help you to break free of what is causing distress in your life.

1. Change Your Approach to Life.

What is controlling your life right now? Are you controlled by your emotions, by your past experiences, or by your thoughts? The way you approach life is the way you will live your life. If you see your life as miserable and a failure, then that is the way you will live your life. By allowing yourself to grow in resentment and regret each day, you are cheating yourself of a quality life. You were not destined to live a life of uncertainty and emotional distress. Your negative experiences and disappointing past is what keep you in desperation and frustration. Start to see things as getting better rather than getting worse. Start each day with a clean slate and with the determination to be at your best. Think about what’s possible, not what’s implausible. Stop complaining about what isn’t right in your life and start to embrace what is good in your life. Don’t look back at what you have missed out on and what you have lost; think about all you have to gain. Anticipate the best for your life, be clear on what you want in your life, and then start to create life changing strategies. It’s not easy to change your approach; it takes time and commitment to living a better life. On useful way to change your approach is to not put any expectations on the day and to incorporate a bright attitude in your day.

2. Be Responsible for Your Own Happiness

No one has the power to make you happy. You are responsible for your own happiness. Not your spouse, significant other, children, parents, therapists, life coach, friends, lover, job, career, business, etc. Your happiness depends on your beliefs and attitudes. You can’t change the past or predict the future, so be content with what you have today. Happiness feeds your spirits and helps you regain your passion for life. It is up to you to make the strides towards your happiness. If you are constantly dealing with difficult people, develop a plan that will help you keep your sanity when dealing with them. By living in sadness and depression, you are giving away your powers and letting someone or something else control you. If you find that your interactions with certain people control your mood, and then make the decision to control whether or not you will be affected by them. You are in control of your thoughts and emotions. If you are blaming others for your state of unhappiness, ask yourself how are contributing to the problem too? Make a list of 25 things you can be happy about right now. Look over your list whenever you feel yourself giving in to self pity or sadness.

3. Let People Know How You Want to Be Treated

Don’t expect your friends, family and colleague to know what you want. If you have needs that aren’t being met, you must clearly communicate what you want. You have to let people know what is acceptable and what is not acceptable you. Be firm with your boundaries and let people know when they have crossed the line. Don’t assume because you wouldn’t do something to someone, that they wouldn’t do it to you. When dealing with strong personalities, let them know in an assertive manner what is not acceptable to you. If you continue to let people disrespect you, then they will just assume that it is acceptable. Be honest with people about how their behavior makes you feel. Don’t look for them to change right away, but at least by telling them you are giving the message that you have self-respect.

4. Stop Putting Up With People and Situations that You Have Outgrown.

What are you still tolerating that no longer works for you? Why are you still putting up with it? Tolerations can become old reliable friends once we’ve had them for awhile. Although you know that you need to make changes, you avoid doing so because you are so comfortable with the toleration. Getting rid of tolerations requires you to be honest with yourself about what isn’t working in your life and then you have to make the decision whether to change it or live with it. But what will it cost you in the long run? After some time, this toleration will drain your energy and sap your enthusiasm for life. If you have been desensitizing yourself from what you are allowing in your life, you will deprive yourself of a fulfilling life. Take some time to write down what you are putting up with and create a plan to change it.

5. Stop Attracting Drama into Your Life

Do bad things seem to always happen to you? Do you attract unstable or difficult people and situations? Yes, we all face problems in life, but if this is consistent t for you, maybe it’s time to look at what you are subconsciously attracting to yourself. If you don’t feel right unless there is some crisis or unforeseen circumstance in your life, maybe it’s time to shift your focus. You will always have these situations in your life if you are always thinking, worrying or talking about them. Learn to trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right to you, then don’t do it. If you are being pressured or coerced into an uncomfortable situation, stand firm and decline making any major decisions.

6. Set Realistic Expectations

If your husband or significant husband is not romantic, then don’t expect him to do something outrageously romantic on your birthday. If you place unrealistic expectations on people or situations, you set yourself up for disappointment. Be real about what people can and can not do. Don’t expect people to live up to your dreams of what they should be like. Don’t expect more than people can deliver. If you have idealized expectations on what your life should be like, you may be dissatisfied in the actual results.

7. Maintain Your Individuality

Are you giving up so much of yourself that you don’t even know your true self anymore? If you are living someone else’s idea life, then you are not living a self actualized life. You can not make people accept or love you based on who they want you to be. You must be yourself at all times. What is great about you? What are your strengths, your natural gifts? The things that make you who you are can sometimes conflict with other people’s expectations. Building your self awareness and knowing your self worth helps you to avoid the pitfall of losing your individuality. You don’t want to look back on your life with regret or resentment because you gave up yourself for someone else. Don’t make sacrifices that will compromise your individuality. Do what you love to do, find what you are passionate about and live your life with enthusiasm.

8. Get Help When You Need It

It’s so much easier to live in denial than to admit that you need help. Sometimes life can seem overbearing and repeated setbacks can lead to sadness, anxiety and depression. Depression is a debilitating disease that progresses slowly and grows worse with time. There is a difference between feeling blue occasionally and not having any energy to do the simple things in life. This is when you need to make the decision to get help. Your situation will not get any better by not doing anything about it. Realize that you have a serious problem and seek help. Don’t try to handle it by yourself or make it go away.

About the Author: Marie Magdala Roker is a Personal Development Coach and Author of Successful Thinking for a Successful Life: How to Banish the Unhealthy Thoughts and Habits That Limit Your Success. Visit her online at Check out her Deperate Housewife No More group coaching programs for women at


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